Hey welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited to have my friend todd herman on the show for the second time, first time in san diego. Almost i guess. 17, 18 months ago we met through a mutual friend, and you know when you meet someone and you start a conversation, you begin to engage, and you kind of say to yourself like either no yes or extreme.

Yes, todd was an extreme. Yes right. Just everything about his story, his background, his openness, his transparency, also his intellect and his ability to cut like a freaking knife through the noise in the bs to help people be more productive. For me, just you know, instant, fast friends and, and just his message is such a gift.

You probably by now, read his book the alter ego, an insanely great book, packed with usable hacks, to really unlock your potential and when i say like your potential, i'm really saying to you it's about getting over the fear and the resistance to make the phone call To start the new business to you know, create the new opportunity to write the book to to go on your biggest pitch. That's way outside of your financial comfort zone and completely dominated like that's what the alter ego is all about, and that's what todd herman is all about. So, first and foremost man, i just want to say, what's up and welcome brother, it's good to be back for rounds. Thank you for sure man.

So listen. I actually wrote down something, and i i i know you see. I've got my phone here because i am going to share live uh because i want people to get this before the podcast goes out in the next couple days. Um i actually wrote down for you todd the world's a wee bit nutty right now.

You've got a health pandemic, we're still in the middle of you've, got a lot of economic uncertainty right now. You've got protests for social injustice which i'm a fan of, and guess what you also got an election coming up, that is freaking people out the crazy one and a half percent on the right and the crazy one and a half percent on the left completely trying To dominate everybody's mind space and, and i just keep going back to the same thing like you know you you did us, you did a ceo study that has become a talk beyond the alter ego, so i want to say to you like with all of this: Dare i say madness happening right now? What is this state like? What do we do? What are the highest performing athletes? Who you work with ceos who you work with entrepreneurs? You work with what's sort of the coaching and advice you're giving them to like once again todd hermann style whack like cut through the noise and help people just move forward, powerfully, yeah and well. I think the one thing that you need to add to that list is the conspiracy theories that are out there as well right, oh yeah, thank you thank you and um, and so you know, for 22 years, i've operated between the six inches of people's ears and Um, a lot of the stuff that i see is very frustrating, because i i i can see people accepting frames, ideas, beliefs that are not going to serve them from a mental health, emotional, health and then, ultimately, from a physical health, which is this thing things that You go and activate and go and do perspective and uh, and so you know i'm i'm gifted with dyslexia and i say gifted with it, because it allows me to uh think in pictures and shapes in my head. I'm very much a models person.

You mentioned the alter ego. Alter ego is simply just a mental model. Um. In fact, that's what its root term means is.

Actually, it's a model um of how you wan na see yourself in the future and uh and so yeah you'd reference, the ceo study and i'm doing. We have 92 ceos in the study around the world um ranging in uh revenue between 1.8 and uh, 1.8 million and 1.1 billion dollars in total revenue, so big span um, but the the thing that's been very obvious. There's this amazing term that was created by the us military in 1986 called vuca. Okay, and i want everyone to.

This is exactly why i'm live right now on instagram. I wanted everybody to hear this write this down. It is such a powerful framework for you to help to operate in vuca times so uh. You know when you're planning to go out onto the battlefield in war um, you can plan all you want, but there's so many unexpected things that are going to happen right and life can be a battlefield as well sports.

This is the same thing. I talked to athletes about how can we, what does mental toughness actually look like? Well, vuca stands for it's an acronym, so the v stands for volatility, and that means the rate of change. Okay, so volatility is the rate of change that you're experiencing uncertainty is the is the lack of clarity about the present you're unclear about the present. That's uncertainty when you're feeling uncertain that's because you're just unclear about what's happening in the present.

The c stands for complexity and complexity. Is that there's multiple key decision factors? You know? Complexity adds risk to things and then the a stands for ambiguity, which is the lack of clarity about the meaning of an event. So when you think go back to some of those things that you had named off when you go to conspiracy, theory, stuff, there's so much ambiguity that people are just trying to find a thread in there that weaves together because psychologically it's mind, screwing them right now. Okay and when you understand human nature, human behavior, some of these things that you see people falling into like i've, got some very good friends who i love, dearly who are kind of on this conspiracy.

Theory, train and my wife and i have discussions about i'm like valerie. I want to excuse away a year and a half's worth of behavior amongst a lot of friends right now. I'm putting them because it'd be very easy in some ways. To just say, i can't be friends with this person yeah, but human nature.

Like i mean they're, not horrible human beings, it's they're trying to make sense of it in the best way that they know how, and just because i know mental models doesn't mean that i'm a better human being. You know, maybe it's allowed me to operate in a different way, but i'm not going to poo poo them, but vuca is you know it's truly the experience that people are going through and some people are handling it well and some people aren't handling it well now. So todd hold on because when you look at vuca and understanding that volatility uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity, i think everybody understands what those words mean. How do we use it? How do we and know you're going to talk about that? But i want to just stress, like for the person watching right now or listening right now: it's we're in that state.

What do we do to break through it all yeah, and so that brings up the next point so um. So i looked at this. I, when i found this term, i was like okay great, but i'm a performance guy like if there's one thing that i want to hang. My hat on at the end of my life is that i gave people real tools to actually lead and live a better life, not ideas that sound great.

But then, when you get them on the field to play, they just break um and so there's another model that runs counter to this one and it's called com c-a-l-m. And so what do people need, like, let's say, you're, leading your real estate office or you're, leading your family right now, um? What do the people in your family or your friends or your business or your clients and customers need well? This is the one thing that you've done brilliant at um. The c stands for clarity. People need because of the nature of the uncertainty and the ambiguity.

How can you help them? Lift the fog and get just a little more clear now, in normal times, people talk about having a one year, three year, five year, vision, i've actually never been a big fan of that anyway, because when i've spoken to really big leaders, a lot of them run On very short track type goal achievement project achievement and then, when you stack it all together, people in retrospect go oh yeah. It's because i had this phenomenal vision, but really in the practical application of how they operate. It's actually really smart, short-term planning and project uh creation, so in in today's time i'm not looking to get people clear in the next year. What can i get them clear about in the next two weeks week day, even so short, like short-term achievable goals eliminates the fog, because now i'm certain about look, i just need to have 10 conversations a day book.

Three appointments. Take one listing right versus how do i solve social injustice? How do you know you know? Trump is an alien right like say, he's a russian spy right like all the stuff right sure or it's like well? What's my business going to look like in six months? Yeah, don't concern yourself with it, because here's what i know if you're someone who takes care of you, you know with being responsible with yourself. The version of you, that's going to show up in six months is going to be readily prepared, for whatever is going to be waiting for you. That's how i operate.

I operate from the give me anything. I don't care just feed it to me. I am hungry for volatility like, and it's that it's when you own this, it doesn't own you anymore, and so it's like seriously. This is all you've got because i've got way more.

In my tank, it's like you're fighting the unbeatable fight, yeah you're, fighting something you can't even you can't even wrap your hand. So so all my friends that are listening or watching whether you're live or with us on instagram or wherever you are you've heard me talk about data versus drama right, and i say you know todd look at the data every day. Look at look inside what you know the multiple listing service to see what transactions are are moving. Look at showing time look at all these different data points, and you and i both know right.

Brain emotion need to have it sensation. It's the reason i buy the house, it's the reason, we're excited about the place in kelowna. The left brain then says i can afford it. This is how we're going to do it.

This is how i'm going to make the move. This is how i'm going to do my life transition. You need to have both, but if you're stuck in the right brain you don't have clarity, you have nothing but uncertainty. Yes, and am i am i on the same page, you totally and what you just said is gon na you just made my point.

Basically, at the end of this whole thing, um, which i'll wrap up so clarity is help. People get clarity, help them to make sense of it all. How do i do it and what's one of the best ways it's in in the world of like when you take ambiguous things, if you can put things into circles triangles and squares for people normally, when i'm drawing out this whole vuca thing, i'm using an xy Graph but like shaping something for people is really powerful, um. Okay, so now we get clarity for them, and clarity can also be hey.

Do these five things today tomorrow we're gon na tackle tomorrow today, let's take care of your today, all right, so there's that the a stands for assurance assurance people need reassurance right now and which, because the amazing thing about this current time that we're in is it's Happening to everybody, yes, we're all on the same boat right. Some people think it's. Some people are at one end of the boat and it's the it's the part of the boat, that's like sinking into the ocean and there's other people at the top of the boat and they're. Like look at this, we're rising into the sky right and, and so people can choose a which end of the boat they want to be on, and it doesn't mean that the boat is sinking because the boats still we're, still going to be here.

Six months from now, but the assurances that's why i don't know about you, but inside of my groups, the amount of activity that happened once march hit just went way up right, because people came in, they were very unclear about what they should be doing. They came in and the first thing they do is they go. Ah, it's not just happening to me right. They need reassurance right now that um, you know it's not just them.

It's an everybody thing right now reassure them that it's going to be okay, and so that's why the people i've seen people losing right now in business because they become hyper emotional. They used to be a great leader in their space became hyper-emotional. They went into the conspiracy theory world, they went into the hating of trump or hating of you know the left or whatever and they're losing people, because the need is, people are looking for a prudential rock right. Now they are looking for someone and something to anchor to so you can be that person think speak more logically, speak more clearly speak more calmly right.

These are all actions that you can be doing, even if you're out on a listing if you're the realtor who's like normally super excited, i'm not saying to lose that, but at the same time don't forget that the world that these people are going back into is Volatile and if your energy is just amped up when their energy inside is amped up already, that's where you can get these mismatches yeah, it happened, okay, so the the third one is leadership. People need leadership right now, okay, and so you know this isn't. This is why i don't fault people who are reacting in some sort of a negative way. Maybe they haven't invested 30 years of their lives like we have at developing ourselves every single day they haven't picked up the books they haven't reached out to people.

They haven't run a podcast they, so people need leadership from someone that going back to the potential prudential rock idea. How can you lead them? You lead them in this time by being very calm by being very centered but being very reasoned and measured. Um. Conversely, like i said before, friends that have lost, i think that in their marketplace, by being hyper emotional, i've seen people come out of nowhere who had no audience that started, publishing amazing stuff on linkedin and elsewhere.

All of a sudden gather hundreds of thousands of people in their tribe in no time flat. It even happened to me um, because i was one of the first people that had the coronavirus in america. All of the messaging at the end of february, beginning of march, was that you know people are dying. The hospitals in new york city overwhelmed.

I live in new york city, i saw it all happening, but i was sitting there going yeah. I started with the worst flu of my life and then it settled into my lungs lasted 28 days, but i was working. You know i wasn't in a hospital bed and so i pinged a friend in media and said hey. I think this is a story that needs to get out there and it wasn't going to benefit me um.

You know in my business, but i was like this is just as a caretaker to i think the world and we all should be um and, and that had, i think it's up to like 12 million shares. It happened in three weeks for like the first two weeks of march, i was the number one ranked thing on google for um coronavirus, patient, because people latched on about. Thank so many thank you messages, but that's leadership like how can you really bring more calm to people, and i want to stress on that because we, you know all my friends know you know early in march, because we were watching. You know, as you were like you know, because of my former co, who was you know, born and raised in beijing, so we were talking about it in december january february and then watching it hit italy and then hitting you know hitting us in the us.

We kept saying the great leaders talk about things as they are, not as you want it to be not worse than it is just talk about what is and that's you know, that's the sort of neutralizer. If you will right, don't make it worse, don't make it better, just keep it as it is. So i love that one. What's the uh, what's the m, the m stands for movement yeah um.

The people who are really struggling right now are people who are caught on the couch who are just sitting there. They're watching the real estate happen around them and they're not getting involved, because why um well, i'm normally in the luxury marketplace, and maybe that marketplace isn't moving right now, but there's a massive movement happening over on the um, the lower end side - and you know you're. So concerned about your brand or whatever, but it's like the people again in this in this study for the 92 ceos the people are, who are winning are the ones who have pivoted their products, the delivery of some of those products and services. Some of them have shifted their business model entirely um to serve in a different way.

So movement is key, so so think about that for yourself and are you taking action each day, simple actions getting clear about what needs to happen today. Don't think three weeks out into the future, don't do that to yourself. So much is gon na be happening. We're still gon na be living through super volatile times, um and uncertainty going because we're in such a you know toxic election year right now, and then how can you create movement for other people? How can you give them action steps for other people? What can you give people? That's tactically good, like that's! Why i'm excited about the book that you've got coming out um and you and i jammed on the name when we had yeah yourself and me and and near ayel um, another brilliant author were jamming together in new york back in um february on on all this And so um movement, how can you create action for people inspire people to take action even but give people like simple steps? Don't don't talk about big strategy right now talk about tactically! This is what we can do, um yeah, so you know that one right now.

I want to just throw this out there, like my wife, is she when covet hit? I think she's done. Four health related challenges in her tribe since kovan right so like the the newest one now is: do you know that song uh it's and i'm gon na totally screw this up? It's like bring sally up, bring sally down. Have you seen that with the push-ups right? So you bring sally up and you go up, bring sally down and she's, like i'm just trying to keep people like doing one thing every day, physically, whether it's a you know, hey, let's see who can do the longest plank and she started at two and now She's at like five minutes and i'm like five minutes like i don't have five minutes to do a plank, which is just not true. I just couldn't do a five minute plank, but you know what i mean like so i'm with you like.

I want the listener to think it's. Not just. Can i get people to buy and sell real estate? It's can you challenge your tribe to just do one thing: let's, let's all clean out our garages this weekend. Let's all do uh.

You know a walk next weekend. It's getting people in action in motion right, like deepak chopra a million years ago, when i interview him he's like it's: it's you know. If you, if you move, you get the mind moving, also if you're just sitting there your mind, just it's going to get stuck in the muck, it's going to get stuck in the in the rut, so vuca and calm any closing thoughts on that, because you know What i want to dig deep into the 90 day year, i want to go into the alter ego, but i'm going to i'm going to sign up on our friends on instagram closing thoughts on this before i kill it on instagram yeah i mean just don't forget How much control you have over the providence of your own life? You know there's a lot of stuff. That's completely uncontrollable! That's out there, but if you truly do take on the attitude of is that all you've got? Is that all you got like give it to me? Some of us have been through some extraordinarily tough things in our life, but still you're.

Here you know tough times breed capabilities and which is the title of my upcoming book. Um and capabilities is cape c-a-p-e dash abilities your heroic. The heroic version of you is born in the fires of hell going through really hard times, and so there are people right now that are being forged in these tough times and um. You know i'm excited to see who comes out the other side and same thing in your community and and me and and tag me on social media.

With you know, whatever your favorite takeaway was from our conversation today, love it. The heroic version of you is born in hell in tough times in struggle in peril. Absolutely you got ta if you, if you all, if you constantly avoid the fires, you're, never gon na find out just what you're forged with. I can hear david goggins like screaming at me right now.

Just keep running man keep running right, yeah, all right, so really fast for all my friends that are watching live on instagram and if you're listening to the podcast later, i still got love for you, but just we're just testing something here. I have five copies of todd's children's book, which i freaking love i bought so many of my given amounts everybody i love uh called my super me for kids right and i've got five copies of the alter ego putting around here on my instagram. So here's my challenge for you. I want you to follow todd.

I want you to tag me right here, live uh with four people. You know that you think i don't know four people that would dig this message. Four people that if they got this they'd, be like oh you know - i always knew i loved sandy, but now she's tagged me into this, and but that was a really interesting message. I've never met taught her before i've never met tom ferry, so we're gon na.

Do the first 10 people that do it, i'm sending you either a kids book or the alter ego book, so i'm signing off from instagram. You guys got to do it now, we'll see in a bit so so todd back to the regular podcast. So i want to talk, alter ego first, you know, having spent time with you having, you know, read this book, listen to multiple podcasts on it, um i'd like you to explain for the people that are maybe new to it, the what was the what was the Origin of the alter ego - maybe the person that doesn't know your work and then i want to know kind of alter ego 2.0. What are the four things i have to do and then what are the hacks you've learned since releasing this to the world and having a lot of people use your work yeah so yeah? We had that conversation literally the day before so we talked on monday february.

4Th 2019 um in san diego right after your event and the book came out the following day, so the origin of the alter ego. Well, the concept itself, i didn't create it and event it um. It was first voiced by cicero, the roman statesman, a philosopher back in uh 44 bc in a letter to a fr who, in a letter to a friend about his about basically being successful in life and uh. The alter, ego's root means the other eye or trusted friend within okay, really really really really um important part to anchor that understanding of what the alter ego really is say it again other eye or trusted friend within now you - and i both know - i mean you And i are the benefits of this.

I mean i don't think of you as like a good friend or a great friend you're. My brother, like we're just we're locked at the hips for life. We we kind of had that connection 29 minutes into our podcast yeah um same experience that you had so um. We all know the value of having amazing mentors friends contacts network around us right to date.

Ourselves are rolodex, and, and yet people forget about the importance of that between the six inches of our own ears. Most of us have what i call in the book. The merry-go-round effect conversation we're just going around and around with ourselves and a lot of times it just spirals down into doubt, beating ourselves up or whatever the powerful part about this model, because the alter ego is a mental model that we can use is that now Um in the book, the way that i wrote it was sort of following along in the path of one of my heroes, uh joseph campbell and the hero's journey, and that inside of us, if we think that there's this character, that's built to play there, because human Beings are built with story, we add narrative and story to everything. That's what people are doing in the current world that we're in right we're adding meaning to things that it might not even be there most of the time.

It's not even there yeah, but that's how we make sense of it, but in a story there's the hero or the protagonist and then there's the villain or the uh uh antagonist. So anytime. I hear the voice. Tell me that now's, not the right time.

Oh, are you you think you're really ready for it? Uh you've never really done that before, though or um shouldn't you go and learn more about this before you go and take that action whatever that's just. I know this is the antagonist, who really isn't even it's like the little evil part of me, but it's not evil in that they're an evil person, it's that they're trying to they are scared, shitless of change. Okay, um! Now, on the other side, there's the hero within, and that's like the core part of you that has this like possibility, um that you get frustrated with at the end of your day, because you didn't get it out of you right when you, i call it the Pillow effect yeah everybody's pillow, it's the most honest place, you'll ever be in your day, because when you put your head on your pillow at night, that's when you start to either you know, encourage and cheer yourself on for doing the hard things, even if they didn't Work out for you, but you're, like you know what i finally made that call right or the other side of that pillow is beating yourself up, because you didn't take the actions on your to-do list that were really really important that day and instead you filled your Day up with a bunch of busy work that was safe, okay, so um - you know like this, so this idea of the alter ego was born getting back to the original question. Out of once, i started working with better and better higher quality professional olympic athletes.

This consistent theme started showing up that all of them would talk about having another persona, another identity that they would step into when they got into the pool when they got onto the ski hill or the slopes or when they got onto the tennis court um and For me, i was like wait a second. I did the exact same thing when i played high school and college football, or when i was i was a national reading. Badminton player todd didn't go under the court. I had another identity that went out of that court and it was such a powerful frame for myself because in my head highly competitive person i was like you don't even know who you're playing against right now, because on the football field, my alter ego was a Almost like a transformer type one, it was walter payton, ronnie lott and a tribe of five native american warriors led by geronimo, the name i gave my alter.

Ego was geronimo, and so i was a 159 pound six foot tall. You know scrawny kid on the football field, but you know but hitting guys hitting guys like you were 260 and you know 6'4 100, and this isn't me like waxing philosophically about my past. I broke two helmets on the top of the uh crown of them. In half in one game yeah by hitting guys - and it was because, because at the end of the game i'd be like, i can't believe i did that, and that's because i didn't do it.

It was this. It was the is the energy that comes from all of this. All of these seven, in my own mind, channeling through me and uh, and it was powerful and it got me past a lot of my insecurities that i had yeah. I mean everyone listening right now knows the story of, like you know: sasha fierce beyonce, right um.

You know i look at, i look at you know myself like. I think i think we need to talk about the single self theory versus the multi-self theory. So people get like you know there. There was a time in my life when i felt or believed that who tom ferry was on stage needed to be the same person ready in the bedroom.

Raising my children with my friends on the golf course in the gym running the company and - and it was completely insane right like like we - have these different personas right, the the essence of who we are is always there. I want to be very clear, like it's not like your values shift and you suddenly go from. You know this to that, but you can create this so give them some insight on single self versus multi-self, and then let's go through the four pieces, so everybody can do more of it. Well, i mean to to just sort of pair it off of what you just said.

It's in each of those instances where it's when you're on stage when you're the power of this is you is you answering the question, not someone else telling you you answering the question. Who do i want to be here exactly, whereas most self-help or even philosophical texts have sort of led people to believe that? There's this one you and there isn't a one you and and that's because human beings, we live in context to the roles that we play in the situations that we're put into so getting to your point for the longest time, the world of psychology, one of their Five main pillars that they built a lot of their philosophies off of was single self theory, which went like this, that human beings, who acted as one single self in all the areas of their life, had the had the best mental health. Now, let's just sort of put that onto the field of play of practicality yeah, i here i am i'm working with pro athletes, olympic athletes, public figures and leaders. You work with a lot of people that are, and you've got a lot of friends who have big they're playing big at life too.

Yes, now, when my football player or actor comes off this field or stage, are they different? Absolutely and here's? The question i'll ask people is: have you ever met someone who's, a public figure that when you met them, you were like oh they're, a lot different in real life than i thought that they would be, of course, right there. That shows you that this idea of single self breaks under the weight of pressure of reality. Okay, so when i heard because again here, i am 1997 when i started my business i'm reading as much about you know, behavioral psychology, behavioral economics, even which probably has some of the most influential stuff for me on how to work with people um. You know biology, always you know.

Human dynamics essentially, and i heard come across a single cell thing and i'm like well, that's crap, i'm a farm and ranch kid. You know and um we've got a saying on the farm that says uh well, that dog won't hunt, and sometimes you come across ideas that dog won't hunt like that idea. Just doesn't work so multiple cell theory in about 2008. The entire world of psychology shifted.

Multiple self theory is, is the idea that human beings have many selves many sides of themselves that they bring out into the world, based on the role that they're playing mom sales person, ceo, like even inside your business, you've got you're you're the lover yeah, all those Things um and so the people who have and see themselves having many sides themselves. I mean just the cascading effect of what that does to you psychologically. No longer do you get trapped by many of the ideas that are kind of weighing on you, where it's like? Oh i'm being inauthentic right, yeah well, in which role are you talking about? I know that when i beat myself up with my kids, when i know i'm being inauthentic with them is when i know i can do more for them, but i didn't some other role that i have you know, because i have an intense personality when i'm coaching People i'm a challenger personality type and and that's because i work with big personalities or when i'm competing, it's it's intense, but i don't need to bring that intensity with my kids and so um when many multiple selves. It's been now proven as well that people who see themselves in many size themselves have the highest level of mental health, so lowest rates of depression, anxiety and stress disorders, just an overall quality mental health and um.

Now, why is this so important? Why do i talk about this in the book and that's because, when you're pursuing a new role in life, when you're trying to break through old habits and behaviors or you're pursuing something that's challenging, i care about speed. How fast can i get you through? That sort of inertia, phase - that's going to keep you down and the fastest way is to anchor you to a mental model. In your mind, of an alter ego of someone or something that you admire or like or aspire to morph into, and when you anchor yourself to that alter ego, it allows you to unshackle from your old past narrative about what you think you can and cannot do Or unshackle from traumas that might be there of what you think you can and cannot do and tap into the qualities. The attributes of something that you know is within you and you're simply using a model of someone and something else, kobe bryant.

Your friend did that with the black mamba, when he was going through challenging times right, he felt like his world, was crushing around him that he he was losing what he said. His edge was really when i chatted it was like it was the identity. He was losing his identity of what he thought. He was on the court and he saw kill bill the movie and there's one scene with the black mamba and boom.

That's what it said. He's like that's what i'm going to take out of the court yeah, because what do black mamas do? Well, they sure, as hell, don't care about what everyone else is thinking about them right right. They only strike, that's it and that's what helped him get that face. I got truth bumps as you're saying that story, because i had many dialogues with him about that, so yeah 1, 000.

So so how do they create it? How do they like everyone? Listening right now? Okay, like you know like the the left brain logic, is saying. I get it, i get it, i get it i get it, but i think we all need to move into like the quasi-right brain with sort of the here's, the four points, and then here's sort of the fun of it, because what i love about your work, Even when we do this in new york city with our team plus clients right - and you know, props - which i don't want to give too many of the points away - you could see them like yeah and then, when you spoke in january at the elite and watching People send me photos afterwards in full-blown costume, making phone calls and crushing it i'm giving some of it away here but, like i want to get into that stuff, so their brain's like yeah, and then we still got to get through the 90-day year. Well, listen! One of my favorite, so i've done so many speeches this last. You know year on year and a half on the book and you know tons of podcasts and media and you know on the today show and cbs, sports and stuff.

But still of course, you always have to trump everybody your event, i'm speaking at elite in january um and one of the most polished professional, looking dudes walks up to me, and this is where there's a crowd, we're doing you and i are both doing some q. A with people - and he opens up his breast jacket of his coat and he pulls out dumbledore's, yeah, yeah and - and it's just even looking at the faces of the people around, because he was a very, very successful guy and what i love about. This is in especially circumstances like that is the people that are maybe just starting out. They have this perception of professionalism and stoicism that they think they have to act through that everyone else, that's at the professional level, is doing, and yet once you get up into this event horizon this new category of sort of performance, you see that a big quality Of these people is whether it's mentally or even the way that they act a lot of playfulness, because the pressure as you rise through is so stiff that, if you don't you're gon na break or your mind, is gon na break under the pressure and the weight Of it, and so when he pulled it out, i mean i don't think i've given a guy, a bigger, high five slap and a hug ever than that when he told the story about what that one means to him and how he he uses it in specific Ways but you you hit on such an important point, which i try to hit on, and i maybe if i rewrote it again, i would hit on it a thousand times.

More is yeah. The key with this is playfulness, because the great thing about it is every single person. That's watching this or listening to this you've already done it. You did it when you were a child when you played with the idea of you know being a nurse when you're playing with your siblings or you're, your favorite sports star out on the front driveway or on the grass and and stuff and again.

What is that doing? It's unshackling you from what you think you can or cannot do your own limitations, you're small, i'm not tall enough! I'm not fast enough! Yet i'm not good enough, but i'm going to be lionel messi or i'm going to be cristiano ronaldo or i'm going to be lebron, james or whatever, and also you get to step into a new side of yourself, yes and and so that's 100. The most important point of this entire thing is be playful. The moment you start taking yourself seriously. You have just been grabbed by your ego.

To hold you down, the alter ego pulls you out of the grip of the ego itself, the definition that you think you've placed on yourself of who you think you are you don't even know who you are yet i never try to define who todd is that's? Why the hardest page to write on your website is the about me page or on your curriculum vitae, or your resume is the resume because you're trying to win yourself down to just this? You know few box of texts so okay, so i just got to say man the be playful thing so again we're in the we're in sort of the you know just with uh tom bilyar right so we're in the construct in the matrix right now and we're Building the alter ego for you and the first rule is you got ta, be playful right, i think of the number of people that, as they rise uh to success and and i can think of clients i can think of a friend of mine who is going For a nobel peace prize who's a who was an actor for most of his life um if they don't remain playful. One of the signs that i see that makes me nervous. Is they get so stuck in the ego trying to look good that that it's almost like the you know? We all need guard rails in life, so we don't like go completely bananas right, but their their guard rails becomes so tight todd that that there's no more fun anymore, like everything, is just this. Looking good intensity feed.

My ego can't be wrong. No growth mindset tol. You know what i mean, so that was me that was me early on 100, like i was so concerned and worried about what everyone else thought of me. You know and um.

You know, because i know fundamentally how i was raised. Was you know you be you? Be kind to other people, kindness and being nice are not the same thing i didn't have that distinction early on being. Nice is basically turning yourself into a a welcome mat. You know you're, you know, i'm not gon na, say anything because that's being nice or you know, like your friends, didn't show up for dinner, you know i'm not gon na, say anything.

It's just because that's not nice or whatever kindness is like being firm about your values and being kind to someone else is when you do see potential or capabilities. Another person potential is actually a word that it's not not allowed in my in my world um, but when you see capabilities in other people in other people is, is calling them on that and saying you know, listen, i know you're better than that. That's being kind to someone, that's truly being kind so, but man early on that was me, my guard rails. That's such a good! That's such a good metaphor to use of people.

Is you give yourself no room for failure before you fall into the gutter right right and now and now that the the trash talk you give yourself is just brutal so and and truly for me, it's so freeing once you get extremely comfortable with yourself, knowing that I'm gon na make so many failures, but what's on the other side of those failures is i know i can always make them right so to get the actual people to process with this yeah. So a be playful. So first thing to do is pick a field to play, for yourself pick a role that you know you either might be really frustrated by right now that you're not really enjoying your performance lack of performance in it. So, what's that is it and what's funny from the book, the most common one there's actually two really um is parenting and the second one is how they view themselves as um as an athlete.

It's actually a word. I never thought they would actually say to me. Um, but some of the most phenomenal transformations that we've had. I two ladies come up to me an event in toronto: canada that had both lost one had lost 32 pounds in three months and the other one had lost 66 pounds in four months, and they said i created an alter ego that loved working out both of Them had never worked out the day in their life never had worked out and from a standing start to three months later lost all this weight transformed one lady she's.

Actually, a professional speaker transformed her entire speaking career because she said todd. I was able to be me on stage now. I was comfortable in my own skin, i wasn't comfortable, but they created they cut and - and again i didn't really prescribe this in the book, but they created athletes at the athlete identity. So the athlete in them loved, going working up loved waking up in the morning and doing 6 a.m, things.

So what's that feel to play for you? What's that role? That's number one, because again, multiple self theory. You know we have many sides of ourselves. Don't have one identity trying to govern all your life, that's a trap and and don't list out 17 different categories of your life right now and create you know each one of those in like slow down. Do it with one or two right, 100, and and and they typically fall into two categories - one where you want to have more fun with yes, okay number, two one that you're avoiding - and you won't admit to yourself - is the one that you need to go after, Because there's too much perceived struggle and pain in it, that could be the one where the version of you on the other side is someone that you are going to be extremely grateful to meet.

I love that so feel the play right pick the field of play, and now it's just simply we're not going to go into all of the different demons that someone has, but just what are some of the things that are frustrating you about the way that you're Showing up right now, yeah or the way that you're not showing up you know, i'm too timid like. If i go back to me when i first started my business, i was insecure. I lacked confidence and i was not um decisive by any stretch of the imagination. Um i was waffling dispersing energy in a million different directions, wasn't staying, focused, um, and so then the flip of that.

So if you just put down three adjectives, three verbs of the way that you're showing up just something simple like that um or you could write down a whole bunch and then circle the ones that you think are the most relevant and in the book i have An exercise for that now, what's the flip of that? What how do you want to be showing up right or another way of asking it, and this is where the alter ego starts to be born inside is who is someone or what is something? Because it's not just people it's animals as well or inanimate objects jerome. The bus betis right right that was his alter ego truly when you unpacked it with him, he wanted to carry the team on his back. He loved that sense of responsibility, okay, um. So what already represents the qualities that you would like to be? You know showing up with on that field, so for an example um i, when i was going through this as being a new dad now i've got a seven-year-old.

A six-year-old she's, sophie's six-on in in a couple days, um and then charlie, is, is three and i was like well, i love my dad's sense of character like he just he's one of those people who just he never talked about how to lead life. He showed you in his actions, okay and then um, because i'm a challenger in my business and again we flex that muscle all day long, it's so easy for us to that to just stay in that identity right. You had talked about it before, like the tom ferry on stage has to be the same guy across all these different fields. Um and again, that's the trap, but again it's natural when you flex a muscle all day long.

Of course it's going to be built up inside of the context of your own mind, and so, if i need to unchain challenger todd, leave him at the desk or leave him on the field. When i go home, i want to be way more. Like mr rogers around my kids, i want to be fun: playful patient kind. You know soft-spoken with them and now does some of this get on the ground with them virtually yeah exactly and so that's the model in my own mind now am i trying to be a second-rate, mr rogers, of course, not because i'm going to still bring my Toddness to it, but man, it creates this great anchor for me of how to show up, especially when times are tough and it gets you just one of the simple questions is: how would mr rogers handle this? How would my dad handle this if i'm lost in my own thoughts kind of thing right, and we do that so again, this is bringing the power of the tribe between the six inches of your own ears, um, and - and so you know, you can either ask You know do the flip of the.

What are the adjectives that you didn't like what are the flip of those or who is it that's something you already admire or what that you already admire, and then what is it about them that you admire? So that's how i backed myself into how i wanted to show up right, yeah, um and now this is you'd mentioned this before now we get into the creation phase of this, which is really fun. Um people forget the power of uniform people. Forget the power, even in their own life, of some of the artifacts that they have around them. You know when a friend loses a pen to you, it's a pen to them.

It was the pen that their grandmother gave them. It was the last time that she saw them, even though it was a crappy little blue bic pen that can be bought for 18 cents at the dollar store right. It doesn't matter, it was from my grandma. There was meaning attached to it, and this is where you know in the whole construct of this, be playful.

Never forget we are storytelling beings for your idea to get out onto the field of play of action, so the mental to get out onto the field play of the physical. It has to walk across the bridge of emotion and so how much and so how? We activate this other self within this other, you know, inspired by the alter ego, is dependent upon your emotional engagement and attachment to it. That's why i can't it would be great if i could say here's the five alter egos to have grab them off the shelf. Implement no, it's dependent upon your own experience, who you like, who you're drawn to what you're drawn to, and so this is where be playful, because oftentimes, the very first source of inspiration, isn't the one that you're going to stay with for the journey for yourself.

So have fun with it and the most common category, ironically, out of all the categories that are, there is grandmothers, and why is that? Because grandmothers already hold a space in some people's, not everyone's head, not everyone has the greatest grandmother but um or grandfather whatever, but has already holds an emotional space in your head, and this is the key with it all. This is why the book's called the alter ego effect, which was what is the effect that an alter ego has, and while everyone says just be the real you be the authentic you, wonderful ideas, how the hell do i make it happen, tom yeah, i'm giving you The process of how you do it, that's the effect the version of you becomes, the real you. The alter ego is just simply the carrier device to allow you to get out there. Now that's the effect, but in the book there's the method, how we actually make that happen, and so um that that method, process and and you engaging with the story side of your alter ego is so critically important and grandmothers help to it seems seems to be The easiest category to go, oh, you know what and or sorry what i was going to say was in the method itself.

The thing that makes this method specifically work just that much stronger is when you are stepping into and you're donning the cloak you're putting on dumbledore's you're putting dumbledore's. You know, wand into your jacket, you're, not just putting it in no you're creating a ritual around it. People talk about habits and routines. Yes, that's like the foundational layer of just building upon success.

That's like rote yeah, but rituals is what we do with elite people, because rituals is the merging of story and meaning with the thing that you're doing and the elite do rituals way more than anyone else, there's a meaning and a story behind what it means. When i put this dumbledore's thing inside or for me, you know when i put these glasses on, you know there is a transformation, that's happening, that's intentional from within i'm not doing it to impress tom i'm not doing it to impress anyone else. It's because i'm deciding how i want to show up on this field of play, it's incredible, hulk's, equivalent ground punch to the ground, saying no, i'm showing up the way that i want to show up. I don't care what mom and dad said i needed to be or that bully.

That's you know or whatever that abuse happened to me. I'm unshackling from that in this moment, and i'm deciding how i want to be in this moment or in this role or whatever, and it's again you're owning the power of this. This has been the theme of this entire conversation right right, whether it's like you can own this stuff, yeah, so yeah i want to just. I want to just throw this out the listener right, so so many people i know have now read this book and and have found you know multiple alter egos, whether it is hey.

You know my relationship has not been as great, oh god, i'm actually acting like my mother, my father, they bicker all the time like they just walk in and attack each other, and you like wait a minute like what, if i took on the most romantic person On the who's, the most compassionate individual, i know well, how do they talk what kind of questions they ask? How do they operate and and look the first time you do it? You know like like, if you put on a superman cape, you know in the next 30 minutes and you got on the phone and you were like i'm i'm wonder woman. You know i'm superman like it'll, be funny, but by doing it over and over and over and over and over in that sort of conscious awareness right todd of like i'm running my routine, because it's the effect right that i want to get to it's the impact. I want to make then it becomes you right. It takes time right like who is it uh carrie grant, or you told the story of a very famous actor and i was it carrie grant kara grant yep tell that story well.

Cary grant um so grew up in bristol england, known widely as like the most debonair charismatic guy in hollywood in the golden kind of era of the 1940s and 50s and 60s right, and but grew up single mom poor kind of slummy part of bristol. But he had this aspiration within of getting to america and making it in hollywood, so he did changed his name too um, and that's why the name thing is important. I called it geronimo, like you know that that's a disassociation that can happen but uh, you know, battled battled mental health battled really depression and and stuff uh throughout a lot of his years, but at the end of his career, when he was being interviewed by um. Basically, a hollywood reporter about his success, he kind of paused for a second and he said um i became the person i wanted to be, or he became me, but at some point we met, and he said i pretended to be somebody i wanted to be, or He became me but at some point we met and the only thing i would change about that because again he's he's using the language of hollywood with pretend right because they go and they play pretend is um.

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