Hey, if you're a parent, if you're crazy busy, if you already own another business but you've, got a passionate itch. You want to scratch. You're going to love today's podcast valentina khan. Welcome to the show! Thank you so much hey for uh.

For you know a lot of my listeners because i interview entrepreneurs - i you know in your case right someone, that's building this new business from scratch over the last couple years and a lot of real estate. People, mortgage people and ceos of companies give them a little background: who's valentina. Oh my gosh um valentina wow. So i went to law school yeah.

That was a real struggle yeah. Why why it was just so hard it wasn't. It was great being in the classroom. Yes doing the socratic method, leaning in on friends, learning about how their minds work.

What i didn't enjoy was the actual, let's think about going to war with somebody yeah, let's think about conflicts, and of course i love conflict resolution, but i don't like the actual conflict. Yes, and so i realized oh man - i just have to get through these few years and maybe not ever practice like not even ever, pursue it but just get through it, because i i wanted to be able to say i did it. I didn't give up yeah yeah, i was the person who ran, hurdles, fell a million times and still finished the race, and i was so embarrassed. I'd have like cuts and scrapes and bruises and my friends would be on the sidelines, go, go, go and i wouldn't give up.

So that's just me. That's awesome! So all right, your last name's khan yeah it was like genghis khan. I mean, i know, there's a lot of cons right. So where are you from originally well? No, i was born and raised in orange county.

Okay, i mean north tustin. Is my hood shout out to foothill high school, my family's been in tustin since the 70s. They migrated from jersey, they also moms from iran dad's from india. Yeah dad was going to be a bollywood actor.

Oh my god, that's cool he's going to crack up. If he hears this. His father was like a really awesome, archaeologist and like excavated. All these cool caves in india and hung out with really awesome people and said i don't want a son who's going to be a bollywood actor you're going to go straight to america, get your mba and then come back and do whatever the heck you want to Do and then in the process when he moved to jersey, he met my mom and then she came from iran and it was like game over they just yeah.

They both came here for education and to make a better life for themselves and then i'm first generation beautiful beautiful, so everybody's got a back story and it's always interesting to sort of look for the patterns of you know why why do people do what they do? So why did you go into law school? I mean you, oh, it didn't sound like a great experience for you, but but you learned conflict resolution which is so much a business which we're going to get into today right um. Why did you go to law school because i you know growing up? I was always really good with people i loved my friends. I loved meeting new friends high school to me was like the world compressed into one small community. It was just i had the like.

You know people with the saggy pants that i was friends with the people who were you know the tennis players. You know i i just crossed i was able to cross over and whenever there was an issue i was able to help people for some reason. I was just that person yeah, so for me it was like okay, naturally, maybe law school, you know and then, when i got there, i was like, oh god, this is not fun. This is actually horrible, and so i went to sc for my undergrad yeah.

I did english literature and there was a lot of reading and writing and you kind of fall into. Maybe you just do law school after. Of course, i had parents who were saying you must go to law school. I was wondering if that there we go yeah.

So very traditional cultural things. You know doctor engineer lawyer and i'm not a blood and guts person. You know respect to the doctors and physicians out there, not really mathematical engineering person. So i was like okay, i could do it, but once i got there, i realized.

I'm so much more creative and growing up. I guess the word entrepreneur was so mystical, like a mystical word, and nobody in my life was really implementing it. One time i asked my dad dad: what do you do who like? What's your role he's like i'm in business, i said but like what i have to introduce, who you are in a class presentation like mom's, an engineer. But what are you he's like entrepreneur in his funny little accent, and i was like i love that word yeah, but i like let it sit in the back of my mind, but i never like dove into it.

So he was an entrepreneur, and so is my mom actually so many years later, and so are so many women in my family and my husband and now me and yes, um but law school was a great foundation and and so it's it was a really good Way to get my butt kicked yes and to be get super humble in life and um face adversity that you know so well in terms of education. Yes and not everything that you do or you're going to be great at, but that doesn't mean you have to quit it either yeah. So i didn't want to quit and so yeah there's there's something to finishing yeah. So many people.

Just and again you know just you know for all my friends out there listening. I think everybody can relate to this. We all have times in our life where we're like, i'm so passionate about this. I want to do it.

Then you get into it and you're. Like this is stupid, but oftentimes, that's just the lesson you need to learn. Yeah right, it sounds like you were. You know you were able to get that, whether it was you know, running track and field or you know, into college um.

So so tell tell about your husband, because you guys own this incredible tennis club uh, that you know we've been a part of forever and ever and that's sort of you know sort of the personal connection of this. Yes um. How long have you guys had the club and - and you know, were you guys together entrepreneurs before or is this? Was this the first endeavor and now what you're doing next yeah? So he my husband's been in tennis since he was 13.. He was mentored by nick boleteri um, so much so.

That nick became like a second father to him that he um completely adopted his name and legally changed his name. His middle name has boletary in it. Now and he's just been in the game for a long time, however, when i met him, he was super entrepreneurial and always doing different things, but tennis was always his go-to and we were. We had that opportunity to get into that tennis club industry, not just so much sean as the coach anymore to developing players.

It became sean as a operator and owner of a tennis club. Yes, which means members which means hospitality, which is management, finance, taxes, legal, yes, so many things and we were pregnant with our second child um. So it was pretty much our first rodeo together, but you know i also was invited to to become more involved in the space i'm in now, which is in philanthropy and sean knew because i went to law school and it was kind of weighing heavy on me. Am i going to take the bar exam? Am i actually going to pursue that career, or am i going to do something in non-profit, non-profit community building things that i actually love, and i actually got my master's in that, and so i was like.

I need to figure out a cross section between the law and the nonprofit world and i love you so much, but i don't know if i can help you 100 in the tennis club world. Yes, so literally was a big huge juggle. Yes, for the last five years, yes, and like me, kind of letting him do his thing and never seeing him scheduling times to see each other having the baby and him literally being on the court until like the 11th hour, you know for him to show up And be there the entrepreneurial juggle i mean, especially because he was still you know, you're, technically, that business is still a startup yeah, it's five years in yeah and you've got hundreds and hundreds of members and cash flow and revenue, but it's still a startup yeah. They say 10 years right so and we're both five years in i'm five years in with investors, philanthropic and he's five years in with the club.

So let's talk about investors philanthropic. So what was the? What like? What is it yeah and then, let's get into the origin of it, because this is really you know the the you and sean path is one part yeah, but this is really your. This is your third baby, two babies technically three because of her husband. This is your fourth baby here we go and and that's the that was the itch that you wanted to scratch.

What is the company? What's the purpose, what does it do and then, let's talk about, you know how you built it and what's working and what's not working and the lessons and all that good stuff, absolutely i mean so investors philanthropic is a donor-advised fund. What does that mean donor? Advised funds are 501 c 3 charitable giving vehicles so back in the day having a private family foundation was like the thing to do yes and then throughout time and more so in the 90s, the donor advised fund space blew up vanguard, fidelity schwab, all of them Kind of entered into the space because they were able to roll over their current clients into a charitable fund which gives their clients a tax deduction immediate and then the fidelity, let's just say, manages those assets and they grow. Those assets, tax-free and those people can then be charitable at any point in time later in life or immediately that year, there's like a flexibility, so there's a tax write-off up front right. You donate 10 grand 100 grand 100 million dollars yeah and you get that tax break.

Then the money appreciates over time tax free and you also get that tax break. Well, it's a technical! Well, it's the tax-free growth! So when you have, when you have for whoever you're donating the money to and you can donate to a variety of causes, whereas in a private family foundation, you're kind of stuck to your mission - and you have to allocate five percent every year and then on top Of that, your assets that grow your taxed two percent excise tax on it right. So basically, what happened was this was all mumbo jumbo to me five years ago, but i loved the ability to to work with a donor and then give to a non-profit and then be in this space, where the donors being really strategic, really savvy and their charitable Dollars are flexed over time, like they're they're grown over time, so there's more to give away. So i loved that concept.

So the chairman of the fund, he is actually the landowner of the tennis club. So that's how he and i met he like he met sean in his office after sean was going into his office daily to kind of court. Him to say, hey, give me the opportunity at the tennis club and then eventually when the deal was just settling he's. Like i'd like for you to meet my wife and then he said, what do you do and i said well, i'm in limbo, i'm thinking to study for the bar, but i love nonprofit and i just finished this masters - that kind of catered in the nonprofit space.

He said you need to come to my office and we need to talk because there's something called donor advised funds, and i want to create a very concierge style donor advised fund local newport beach to high net worth donors and to help people be able to give Flexibly and invest flexibly, yeah and those other guys aren't doing it so well, so we need to do it yeah. So that was a very long explanation, but i like it because, like every business so for the person watching you're listening right now, they could be in real estate. They could be running a team that could be the mortgage business finance business they'd, be a tech company right entrepreneur at the end of the day, it's finding a problem and filling a need. Yes, finding a problem and filling a need, like that's that's business from the beginning of time sure so so for the person listening, you had to go out and find clients right, aka, fine donors, people that wanted to use this vehicle versus something else yeah in our World we would call that prospecting yeah, we call it marketing, you call it nurturing.

We call it following up closing deals right. So absolutely was that innate for you was that second nature for you, or are these new skills that you're still learning so i've been listening? A whole bunch to your podcast, and i i cross them over to what i'm doing like making those calls four to five appointments a day. You know finding who your prospects are. You know all of that stuff getting on the horn and just calling people cold.

Calling. That's crazy, so we thought i love it for. First of all, i love it and i haven't had to do it until this year, but this year we're in corona virus times. So it's been a different kind of because in the past you could do events and parties and more social if you will yeah.

So how so tell us about that transition? Well, so what happened was all of last year we were filming for our marketing arm called joy of giving yes. So what we thought is, instead of you, know, valentina kind of going into the world and talking to estate planning, attorneys and cpas and investment advisors literally knocking on their doors to introduce our fund to them. Let's create joy of giving um joy of giving is me coming and interviewing people like tom ferry who are charitable and who are business leaders and then going to an event that maybe you were a part of or a charitable gala you're, a part of and interviewing That nonprofit, that executive director and asking them what is your non-profit all about you know tell us why you're passionate about it, so we filmed so all of last year was so fun. I had it was zero talking to donors and cold calling, but all talking to non-profits and awesome business leaders in the community, and so we filmed 32 episodes, none of which have launched yet because we want to launch it this year.

Yeah - and we had to do that - editing and you know a bunch of things just to get it ready um, but it was hard because i had to literally call those nonprofits or call that business leader and say: hey we haven't launched. We are this show and uh do you want to be featured? You know, do you want to, and it was crazy talking to people that you know i've shared with you that i've talked to, and it was just getting over that fear to interview somebody, yes or being on camera and then being able to do like a soft Sale of investors films dropping versus like in your face. Yes, this is sponsored by investors, philanthropic type of thing, yeah yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. By the way i know today's show is brought to you by yeah, so so there's a lot of lessons in there.

So i'm okay, i'm gon na razz you yeah was that call avoidance you know. Did you create because you know i'm a fan of the show. I mean you so she's. You know, listen to gary vaynerchuk you've been exposed to a lot of this stuff.

Yeah. Excuse me, so i've always believed you should create the content and be making the calls create the content and making the calls yeah. So i'm busting your shops, but it is a podcast right. It's okay, were you just avoiding making the phone calls like? Was this, or was this like a strategic like hey, i'm gon na create all this content then release it maybe have more of a brand in the marketplace and then make the call with some awareness there you go.

I think i just let you off the hook. You pretty much study because you're not smart and savvy when it comes to these things as well. Like you know, what's up so that was yeah, we all had like a board meeting and we said how are we going to do this? Are we going to call people but still not have a brand yeah um and then so? We have like a network of people we want to speak to and especially because we're dealing with donors that have been in the industry and know what a donor advice fund is and we're trying to get them over. This way, for a variety of reasons like why ours would be better, our donor advised fund is better, and so it wasn't so much cold, calling a bunch of people who didn't know about it.

It was like the ones who were already savvy, but the the part which was difficult was convincing, like non-profits, that this is good exposure for them or speaking to people like robert shapiro sure, and he was like you know he was a really fun person to to Court, you know like hey, can i interview you and he didn't know what i was he's like? Are you a host of a youtube show, or are you managing director of it? Who are you so it's like wearing both of those hats? Yeah, that's what i was doing all year last year, yeah this year, i'm more managing director ready to talk to donors ready to make cold calls and explain to the world what a charitable giving vehicle is. Yeah so how's that working out i mean you, certainly you you have this strategy of okay step. One we're gon na, like lay the foundation, build the brand, create the credibility and it's a competitive space. I mean it's for all, my friends out there watching.

This is a very competitive. This is like getting someone to say: i'd like you and sean to move all of your money from bank a to bank b. Yeah right i mean it's that kind of right advanced, you know, call it prospecting, maneuvering, etc. Positioning.

So now here you are, and you say, okay, this is the year we're gon na make phone calls yeah and covet hits right. So what did you do? I made? I still made those phone calls, so i started literally well now. Everybody's kind of you know in person, so i got a really cute setup at the newport beach country club and i was like i told the people there - hey you'll, see me often i'll, probably probably be here one to two times a week for lunch and i'm Gon na invite people, and so they were fine with it, because i didn't want them to say like this is a golf country club. Why are you showing up in this suit and, like you know, constantly bringing guests um? So i actually have this.

I had a strategy which i'm gon na share with you. I love your input. I made a friend in the banking industry and this friend is also into people and charities, and you know they're the clients of this friend clients of the bank. Yes, so we like to team up, and basically this friend will come with me to a lunch meeting and invite one of the the clients of his own network, and then we just talk shop.

You know introduce oh thank you well, so that was uh. That was one of our strategies for this for this last few months, because prior and the country club itself wasn't even really open for sitting down and eating yes, so that was kind of like my first in was hey bank. You have these clients and why don't? I invite you to lunch and why don't you invite your client? Because you need to do that anyway, with them and uh, let's talk, and so that was pretty much step, one! That's a classic business move that every person watching and listening to can relate to you. Yeah you're an you're, an agent and you're or you're a lender and you're like who do you know? Hey you know attention hey, let's have lunch, bring two.

We actually taught a strategy, one of our coaches would say: um tested this early. He said you, you basically you're trying to build your sphere, so you meet valentina and you're, like valentine i'd, love to take you to lunch, bring four or five of your friends from the office and we'll all have lunch together right, and it was a way for This person to very quickly expand, who do they know yeah right if you've already sold this person, a house or you've done a deal with them as an example. Now, listen, you have some relatability now you're, just you're just talking and chatting and all those people go into your database. Yes, you know, obviously, during code a little bit different right, hey invited your friends to a zoom session and right yeah.

So did you do some of that as well? Yes, so zoom is not my thing so much. I love seeing people in person, sure you know, or even just a phone call but yeah we just i started doing a little bit more of zoom. I think in the what we did, the first half of the year was cross rt's dot our eyes finish up. Our episodes put all of our sponsors on each episode, so it was more like back office stuff, and now this you know last quarter of the year.

It's go out into the world and talk to people and introduce investors philanthropic why we feel we're superior to private family foundations and the financial institutions that have their own donor-advised funds. And you get me and i'm super passionate and i'll. Take care of you and you know, and what you care about, because i care about it too. So things like that, but it's not like a casternet wide thing.

No, it's a very narrow terminal, build your relationships and brick by brick, step by step. So it probably will take me 10 years. Yes, you know, and i'm okay with that patience is, is the key but and finishing and finishing and finishing yeah finishing what you start so so what do you think over the next? You know 12 18, like how will you know when you're successful like how will you know when it's working? How will i know when it's working when people are talking about it and i actually have educated somebody who was totally unaware of what a charitable giving vehicle was? Yes, so people think private family foundations and then they don't even think a donor advised fund and if they heard about it, they're still very vague. They they don't know why it's more superior, for example, to a private family foundation or what what the benefits are to them yeah.

So if i talk to more people and more people really get it and that light bulb is on that, for me will be like a sign of success. Okay, i can end the podcast right here, because if every person listening to this who's, one of my friends hears if i just talk to enough people - if i just talk to enough people good things always happen, yeah right yeah. So so what would you say has been the biggest mistake you've made along the journey uh? What i mean like yeah. We all get punched in the face: every entrepreneur gets punched.

You know i think of you and sean with the tennis club yeah. Oh so many there are these legal battles and what's going to happen, and oh, my goodness, and yet you two stayed on your mission and you persevered and you know i know you say you weren't as involved, but i know you you were behind and making sure That you know he was able to do what he had to do. It was a we thing right. What's been the biggest heart, what's been the biggest hurdle for you, no there's and there's so many i mean i, i love when you say the fail forward fast.

Yes, is that, yes, i love when you say that, because i've been saying that to me mistakes, because i think law school after going through that and like failing so much but still getting through it like yes, stupid law school, i'm gon na get through this darn Thing bar exam's, another story, but i mean i'm just saying getting through. That was a huge failure in itself in terms of not getting to the top and not getting that partnership and some you know huge law firm. You know, because you don't just go to law school to kind of just like flatline with it yeah. You usually go to law school to practice and become right.

So for me that was kind of a fail. You know in that sense, but it was such a fail that turned into a win that i'm so happy about it. Yes um, but in my business world so far um. I think the most recent fail was not getting on the phones phone lines earlier, because donors have been putting money into donor advised funds starting back in august september, and we were kind of we weren't asleep at the wheel.

We were still being very cautious about our launch and our soft launch, so i wasn't, you know necessarily out there prospecting. Yes, i was still very timid about it like okay, let's finish joy of giving. Let's finish joy of giving - and i didn't start talking about it. So, for example, yesterday i had a call with an investment advisor out in los angeles, and he said, oh my gosh.

I wish you had called me two months ago, because literally we advised our don't our clients to give to. You know a donor-advised fund, a couple million dollars. We just moved over there and you know i listened on the phone and i just had to take a breath, and i said okay, you know that was for me a learning experience like when you're ready you just got ta go. You can't wait for the perfect moment.

No okay, every person listening, went like this. Oh, i know a couple million dollars hey. I know i haven't talked in a while and i sold you a house like seven years ago just want to check in. Oh my god.

That's great: we just bought a five million dollar house. Oh no, oh, like the the pain of that right, but that also shows you proof make the calls absolutely we talk about like if you shake the tree somewhere, an apple is going to fall. Yes, but if you don't shake the tree, it's not going to happen right. You got to always be metaphorically.

You got to always be chumming the water, oh, my gosh totally, you have to be in the water floating around swimming around. You know - and i i wasn't - and i mean coveted and just focused on that - the youtube part and the marketing part and like not putting my head in the donor game and then we lost, so that was a fail yeah. That was a big fail because i totally, i probably could have captured that, but then so the people watching that are not watching you're saying the biggest smile. What did did you always have that mindset yeah? Because i failed so i, like i hate to keep bringing up law schools like the worst experience of my life but or the biggest blessing or the biggest blessing cause.

I i promise you up until that point. It was a pretty you know, charmed situation. For me, she was kind of growing up living life being a kid going to school and then bam huge dose of humility with you're, not that you know smart. You know you're compared to these guys who are sharks, who are going to eat you alive in a courtroom or whatever, and so i don't know where i was going with that.

But i was just saying, because i failed so much in that time of my life - that it's so much easier to talk about a failure with a smile on my face because i love it now. Yeah. It kind of brings me color and whenever i see a person too perfect or not willing to talk about their failure, it's hard for me to connect with them yeah, you know. Sometimes people are just so focused on not wanting to share that side of them or not being like.

They think it's a big curse to fail, whether in a relationship at business in school. It's always such a huge competition to be absolutely perfect, that it's just i'm not into that yeah and then you listen to the most successful people on the planet. Like i was listening, i was literally driving in this morning, listening to the slight edge and uh just i'd love just this little opening session by jeff olson, who wrote this incredible book, but he says, and tom watson said: if you want to be successful, you have To double your rate of failure, there you go right, i mean because the more you fail, the more you learn: yeah right, hey what what works? What doesn't work and most people don't get that yeah. So so, when you're calling somebody and you're you're trying to essentially make a pitch, i would imagine you know you said l.a.

I wasn't sure if you were just going to stay in orange county with this with this all over the place. So you know you're talking about thousands of families. Yes right that you can target right right. How do you like? What's your script, what do you say so ring ring ring? Okay? Here we go hello, hi tom.

How are you it's valentina hi hi, i'm valentina? How can i help you? Oh well, i know you were not knowing okay, oh, i thought we knew each other. Okay, let's just say i don't know. Okay, let's say i'm just some. You know random person.

Okay ring ring hello, hi um. May i please speak with tom. This is hi tom. My name is valentina with investors philanthropic.

Did i catch you at a bad time? Uh? Yes, actually you did oh gosh. So sorry! Well, if i can have just a few moments, um i'd love to share with you something about a charity charitable giving vehicle that i'm involved with, but you're busy right now. So is there a better time i could chat with you, uh yeah. I mean actually i'll i'll transfer you over to my assistant, and maybe you guys can schedule like a quick 15-minute call perfect i'd, love that okay, i'm totally putting on the spotlight in the middle of a podcast.

That was not actually not too bad. So let me give you a little coaching. Okay, yes, i'm ready, never say is now a good time: okay, okay, good, because you're, basically you're you're, giving them the out to say no, no, it's not a good time. So it's just you know: hey tom ferry, i'm calling you right, i'm curious and maybe he'll come with a question that is so good.

I'm so happy! You told me that, because hey i don't know, if i people want to you know it's like you should always ask, are you okay? Are you? Are you able to talk but you're saying no, don't even no so here's the thing i mean no we're. You know we're now we're in the middle of a podcast and now we're coaching, but you know i have a lot of love for this girl so so think about it like um there there's you don't want to be rude ever right, and so many people don't Make the phone call so many people would have panicked in the middle of this podcast. If i said give me your script right because right, like people freak out that moment, you did wonderful. Let me just start there, because it's clear you've done that over and over again yeah the whole key is like.

I think great marketing doesn't interrupt that person's day. Instead, it aligns with things that they're passionate about yes right, so they're, now more intrigued to step in and say, tell me more about that right yeah. So i would not you know not in this podcast, but instead i would like literally list out okay. What are the problems that these men and women have right? That i could solve yeah absolutely and i would just list out all the problems that they have and then i would say well what are the ambitions that they have, that my solution solves and i list out all the solutions and then i would literally a b Test over and over and over until i found something that kind of connected with the vast majority of people.

Yes you're with me, but remember double your rate of failure right. If you want to become more successful, so you try one approach and you're like oh, that didn't work yeah right, then you try, but you have to try it again and again and again because it could have just been one person you called who was just in A crappy mood right. I mean that just happened yeah sure, but if you think about the problem that solves it's like hey, we all you know, we all make donations right, everybody, everybody! You know, i hope everyone's listening yeah your church or you know whatever your kid's school, whatever you're passionate about right. So so we all do something right and it could be your time, not always your money, but you know you you give money, we all get money.

I'm just curious: do you like to see your money where you have a little more control of it and get the immediate tax cred blah blah blah blah blah blah, something like some little, some little hook like that, they're like what are you talking about yeah? So that's what i've been doing in my lunch meetings and tell me so that's what people that i've been meeting, though or people that kind of know me sure, or that know me through somebody else. So that's kind of been the the blessing and the beauty where it's not a complete cold call, or they don't know me at all, yes um. So when i speak with them, they say okay. So what is a donor advice fund? Yes and i go right into it - it's a charitable giving vehicle.

You basically get your immediate tax deduction. We take all kinds of charitable assets, real estate, you know jewelry artwork, you know obviously your basics, cash and stocks and then, once you give it, your investment advisor comes on in and now you're working with the person that you're already very familiar with, and they reinvest It for you and then it grows tax-free once they hear that tax-free part yeah, and then they can give it away at any point in time. They can even let it grow as a legacy piece for their children, who are children and then grow up to be adults and have a passion for something. Because at the moment there are no laws in place for donor advice, funds to to give out everything or a portion every year i mean there might be some point in time, but a lot of people, those attorneys by the way yeah.

But now, let's say yeah for the person listening. Can you hear how many times she said that script before, because you just like us, like just on point, perfect eye contact? Oh this is what we do right right. So so did you ever think you'd be in sales because you're, really, this is sales? Oh, my gosh, which is such a crack up, because the chairman was like you need to go out and you know pretty much sail and i'm like whoa. You know i like talking to people i like building relationships.

You know, i i don't know about the sales part. What do you mean and then i mean that's sales, that's sales, but you know what - and i think you didn't know that you didn't. You didn't understand that, and i put it all into perspective, even if you're a doctor, you're selling yourself, of course, and a lawyer and sean a tennis club guy. So everybody is selling no matter what you're doing a teacher you're selling yourself to the students to like you and the parents to like you and the principal to keep you on.

So i feel like everything in life is pretty much sales. I agree, and now i know that even more so and so when i was coming on your podcast - and i told the chairman he's like thank god - hopefully he'll teach you to be more comfortable in selling cause. I was like no, no, no, i don't want to sell. Can i hire somebody? Can i hire a team member sure i think the um? So you know it's interesting.

You know the real estate industry is going through all these crazy changes and it always has - and it always will like all business right, everything evolves and you know, improves yeah, but but fundamentally where, where our industry has suffered, is you get all these beautiful people that That love houses, that love people, but don't understand that there is an art and science to being influential yeah that that barack obama was very intentional when he was out. You know doing speeches before he became the president bill clinton very similar like these. These polished charismatic presenters, yes they're in sales, politicians are totally they're, either really great sales i mean they can. They can lie on camera and you're.

Still like, okay, i'm buying it right, like you already mean yeah, but that's an art form. So i would challenge you just in the next evolution of your business is to you know, study, read, go watch 50 videos just on influence, neuro-linguistic programming right, think things that are, you know very tactical that just help every person watching and listening improve because at the End today, if i can be influential, i can help more people. Yes right and it doesn't mean you can't sell people that don't want to buy what you have yeah people. Yeah.

No one wants to be closed. No you with me yeah, but everybody wants to buy yeah and if you don't believe that check your amazon, you know account right. You know exactly like everybody loves to buy totally, but people don't like to be sold so right. So how do you create that relationship? Exactly where the yes becomes automatic and and and the objection, the conditions along the way just become issues that you have to help people overcome, so they can make a good decision.

It's not for you for them. Yeah. It's such a it's! It's like an art. It's definitely a form of art, i agree and uh.

Recently i went to the to a hotel out here and there was a family visiting from los angeles and they didn't know what i did, because they only knew what my husband did and because i was invited through sean and then um. I mentioned well i'm in philanthropy and i was just kind of being very coy about it. You know yeah i didn't want to this - was shawn's gig and then the more they asked me, the more i got into it and kind of unl peeled that layer of the onion and then they said well, we were considering a private family foundation. We didn't even know about right: the donor advised fund option.

Can our family manager contact you and you give them more information? And i thought this was an awesome meeting. Oh, you know i completely showed up for my husband and it turned into a really great conversation and educating somebody who was going to do a completely different thing right so that i love that part, because it was like a soft sale. It was like not even a sale, it turned into like prying you for the information right. Remember like in all things right, so what's so great about the world is, if you, if you just say to someone like you know, even today, you get on an airplane right and covet right, but like just in in real world normal times right yeah, you get An airplane, so what do you do right right? What do you do? What are you doing? I'm like i.

I am that person i'm in the elevator and i'm like hey man, we got nine floors. What do you? What do you do? What do you guys do with the tenth floor right, but, but i found that when, when you are genuinely interested yeah people reciprocate that right back yes right and that's where, like a lot of my clients, kill it because they're like oh. So what do you do? Oh, you know that what do you do? Oh you know. I help people, you know i'm first-time buyers.

I help work with people to increase their net worth through buying real estate, or i help them buy their dream home and like oh right, right but again having that, like that unique selling proposition. For you like what is different and unique about what you do versus what everybody else does? Yes, that's what we should work on next. Absolutely. I would like not during this podcast but we'll do it.

Oh, please, post the podcast, oh my gosh, please that would hey! I'm there sign me up all right, so i want to. I want to end with this question. Yes, you know you are you're, so joyful you got so much energy. You got all this like all this fun and love and passion, and you got two young babies and you got a crazy husband who i've known for a long time right and he is like sean if you're listening, you're nutso, but i mean not so in the Most entrepreneurial beautiful way, yeah.

How do you keep it all together because you've got this plus three other kids, one being sean yeah, no you're right, you're! So - and i know i'm not alone in this - you know role, there's so many amazing women, yes um, your wife included just like who juggle it somehow, and i can tell you so many funny stories about sean, like literally calling me, while i'm trying to work. Like he's now home and i will leave the house at 6 - 00 p.m - to come to my office from like six to ten, let's just say, and he calls me and says: oh well, the lemonade's not cold or something crazy and i'm like sure, you're a grown Ass man, i love you put an ice cube in it really, but so that was just how do i change the diaper with a tennis ball? You don't just weird things like how like women have to somehow manage it all. So, like okay, my two kids, what's your best hack, am i okay having a good school number one? So thank you oakridge. I just put my the school on like i.

Just this school was open for the summer time too, so i the school, helped a lot just so my kids are seven and five and i was home with them from march april may and obviously everybody was home too. So it wasn't like a big action-filled time to begin with, but it was really stressful because you know it was just hard and so the hack, the hack, is basically you know, like you know, waking up early going to bed kind of late, but making sure all The lunches are packed, and you know whatever um, giving shawn a comfortable environment where he can thrive, because you know he's kind of a one-minded one-track minded person. His focus is the tennis industry developing his players, tennis club, his members, pickleball events like there's a lot in that mind of his. So i've learned - and this is funny because we actually had a conversation with gary when we first met him back at um, complex con.

In long beach, a few years ago, sean literally goes up to gary and says man. I got ta. Thank you and gary's, like what he's, like. You taught my wife to understand the life of an entrepreneur and, like you always say about your wife like she, gary's wife understands his desire to be out there and this and that so you know he got a kick out of that, because i did i actually.

Finally, learned what it takes to be the wife of an entrepreneur like you just have to let them be so they can breathe and do their thing. So once i got that into my mind, i kind of stopped giving sean any kind of fatherly responsibilities and duties and whenever he was there, it was awesome like show up when you can, which you know for a lot of people. That would be really ashamed for sure. Some people hear that and be like.

Oh that's horrible. I know but you'd be stifling you'd, be choking your husband. If totally you told him, he couldn't work as much as he works and he'd not be the greatest dad to our kids either he would get frustrated and whatever and think about work while he's with them. So i'd rather him come to it with us with a clear mind all in and be present and be present.

So once i got that situated in my head um and i hired a babysitter yeah, because i put a lot of responsibility on you yeah i became the father and the mother essentially, and i have a group of girlfriends who are awesome from the school and they Actually have husbands that are the same, like i have a friend who has a fireman um, you know husband, who's away, 24, 7, yeah, seven but 24 hours a day for a couple days a week and then off for a couple days, yeah, and so she has So we kind of you connect with the people who feel you yeah so having the village. The village is so that support group is a hack, and that was a blessing to find. So once you find that group, it's like you cherish them because they help you along your journey and then um the school system, just whatever school is great for your lifestyle, yes, and so i'm during this weird time i couldn't even imagine being anywhere else, but where We were, and i'm so grateful to them and they're literally like a text message away. So, as a mom, i, my biggest advice to other moms, is really get close with the administration of the school right, don't be afraid to be, like you know, can i text you maybe and check in or what what not like? I, my parents never did that.

I was in public school there no way my mom would ever at that time. There wasn't text, but imagine her texting my my principal at that time like never, whereas i'm in great contact with them. So that's another hack in terms of having a better relationship having the better relationship, village, letting my husband be who he is having a good school support system and then having flexible work hours and just working around the kids activities and finding the right people to meet. At the right time, and so not being like bound to an eight to five schedule, yeah type of thing, with work yeah.

So it sounds like you're going to schedule family and then you schedule all your work around that yeah yeah, that's a hack in and of itself right. Are you happy i'm? I love that question and i i want to say absolutely: yes yeah, you know, but i also know there's so many days where i'm i don't want to say not not happy but like struggling, you know just to get through because i'm human, yes, but i think More than happy, i'm so darn grateful yeah, i'm just so grateful even for the days that i'm not happy. I just walk into the like, for example, the tennis club, i'm just so grateful to have this outdoor space, where our family and friends you know community, can come and like play a awesome sport and like have a good time and now during coronavirus, this. The space has been like a joy to have because people are outdoors and they don't have to be, as you know, worried.

So i get really grateful for that opportunity and then i get when i walk into my office. I get grateful just to like see all the piles of paper and all the magazines and philanthropy roundtable and all the reading. I have to do and building something from ground up and like whoa. This is a cool opportunity and i'm reading about things that i really like, and i'm not reading about people's problems and fighting somebody's case yeah just going home and being grateful for, even though my bedroom set is still not set up.

Oh my god sean. Of course. Never had time to set up our bedroom set. I still am grateful for that bedroom and just sleeping in that fluffy pillow.

You know just weird things like that, so i think above everything, gratitude yeah. I think that's beautiful! Thank you yeah. I think that's beautiful! So hey as we as we wrap this up, is there a website if they want to check out information? Where do they go? Can they follow you on instagram like give us the scoop, really quick? Where do we find you so joy of giving so i'll give you that it's on instagram, it's um joy of giving ip for instagram, page or investors, film topic joy of giving ip and then the website is www.joyofgiving.org love, it love it well valentina. Thank you and thank you for being on the journey just being so open about.

You know the losses and the upsets and the challenges and and the real struggle of you know being being in an entrepreneurial relationship and all that stuff, but girl, you do it well. Thank you so much thanks tom for having me follow her on instagram check out what she's doing look into this i mean. Maybe this is something you could be a part of in some way, or it's just one more thing that you know about when you're talking to your clients, you could say well, have you ever considered something like this right? Just it's one more tool in their toolbox. One more piece of awareness that maybe someone didn't know about that now they know about.

I would love that yeah. So thank you. So much! Alright, guys we'll see you soon on the next podcast you.