Hey welcome back to the podcast i am so excited about today, uh, if you watched last week's show where i was talking about 10 trends on video and then about 10 or 15 video recommendations, things that i thought you could add in to your youtube channel. Facebook. Instagram everything else to really become the mayor of your marketplace, um, as i was done with that, i immediately said omg. I know who i need to reach out to next, and that is our guest today patricia stark.

If you don't know that name, i would really refer to her as the queen of becoming camera ready. If you want to be more confident if you want to remove your fears and not just like mental hacks, but like the whole kit and caboodle of what you have to do to be effective on camera, no one greater than my guest today patricia. Thank you. So much for being on the show welcome tom, it is so great to be here and so wonderful to see you again.

It's been a while that we've seen each other in person but uh when you invited me on the show i was like sign me up. I'm glad to be here and do this with you today. Well, thank you so so for the people that are listening or watching um. You all know that i launched my first youtube channel in 2007..

It was in, i want to say the summer of 2016.. I was in new york with a mutual friend of patricia, and i a guy named ken kerry and his wife barbie. Yes, ken and barbie, and that's exactly what they look like and - and i was telling ken i said ken i've got. You know like a hundred business coach at the time and i'm gon na be the i'm gon na become the first video first coaching company in my space.

I want to be the pioneer of that two-way, better communication than just over the phone, and he like looked at me. He goes patricia stark and i was like give me context. He said she's the queen of getting people camera ready. So when people are listening right now, if you're one of my coaching clients and you're on zoom with us you're inside of our platform, patricia is the origin story of getting our coaches ready so patricia.

I could gush about you forever, but you know they want to hear from you. I'm sorry i just got to give people context. Can you can you take people into your backstory and then let's get into confidence and becoming camera ready and and really educate everybody? That's listening and watching so who is patricia stark? What do you do and how did you get here absolutely so let me take you way back when i was in school. I was actually very shy.

When i raised my hand in class, i could feel the sweat pouring down my sides. I just was that person that didn't have that confidence and had that typical story of fear of public speaking and as i went through school and then into college, and i first discovered broadcasting and the communications program that i ended up getting involved with in school. I literally fought through those fears, because i knew it was something that i was secretly or internally passionate about. But i needed to find my voice and find that confidence and one of my first experiences in front of the cameras for a local television station and they sent me out to do some small, like restaurant review type thing.

And i can remember till this day that i think in a four minute interview, i said the phrase: that's fantastic about 27 times as the sweat was pouring down my side like in that scene, from broadcast news right. So the first thing that i bring into the work that i do is been there done that i know what it feels like to have, that fear and how debilitating it can be and how it can prevent you from reaching your goals and finding your voice and Accomplishing all those things that make that are made possible because of how we communicate so i went into my career. I i went into broadcasting. I did the news.

I did a lot of health and medical news and then also along those lines. I did a lot of broadcast uh corporate broadcasting, so i would go into you fill in the blank whatever industry and they would all have these television studios and they would want someone to play the news anchor or the moderator or the reporter. So i had that. All in my background, for many many years, communicating other people's messages and learning to find my calm and confidence in that area.

And then one day i was at a event for kpmg the big. You know financial industry people and we were doing some video for them and i was reading teleprompter and interviewing people and then these different executives came down and they needed to be in front of the camera and it was awful. They were stumbling, they didn't know how to read teleprompter or they didn't. You know when they were answering questions.

They were a nervous wreck, they sounded or looked very stiff, so really just so, we didn't have to be there until midnight. I started coaching them through that and we got out of there on time and about a week later they called me, and they said you know that worked really well. We like you as on camera and voice over talent, but would you ever come back just to train our people, and that was my you know lo and behold light bulb moment of their business here. People really need this, and that's when i hung my shingle and that's now 18 years ago, because i know how much time it is because my son's going to be 18 and i started right around the time that i had him.

So i think that you know what i bring into the table as a media trainer and a public speaking trainer is that i've been on both sides. I've been on both sides badly and had that fear, and i always work with people from that place of empathy and understanding, and i know that self-talk that needs to go into here. First, you know the way that we communicate externally is always first impacted from the way we are communicating to ourselves internally. What is that story? We're telling ourselves right? You know this right, of course, so there's so much to first of all, thank you for sharing the backstory, so people understand like we have a legend on the podcast today and someone that you know again.

If you want to be super effective in video, which i know you all do like you're gon na get a lot of value out of this, so so why do you think so many people are afraid to pick up the camera get behind the camera? You know you talk about self-talk, there's, no doubt that that stops a lot of people, but what do you? What do you think is the root cause of it? I think that there are so many things, and we could talk about this for a very long time and i think there's a lot of individual personal differences as well. But i would say that the most common thread is that feeling of being in the spotlight being judged making a mistake feeling silly feeling stupid, just not trusting ourselves so that we know how we're coming across. And it's kind of this catch-22 that people don't want to get very comfortable, really watching themselves really listening to themselves so that they know themselves so well that they can trust themselves when they're in front of the camera or in a communication situation. So a lot of people will do everything they can to avoid the situation.

They will not want to speak in front of people. They will not want to. You know, put themselves in front of the camera and learn to try to get used to it. I mean think of the first time that you recorded your voice.

Maybe it was an outgoing message on voicemail or when we had all those orders back in the day we don't sound like ourselves. It sounds like we're listening to somebody else. It's like an outer body. Experience right, yeah, so yeah we're not used to it.

It's so foreign and we just don't trust how we're coming across and sometimes we're not used to going through that excruciating pain of really watching ourselves, really observing ourselves and always looking from a critical eye. Rather than looking at it from a coach's eye, in our own mind and saying okay, i don't really like how that's coming across. How can i make it better? I don't really like how that looks. How can i make it look better, so it's first really that self trust and knowing yourself so well that you can just then forget yourself and the most important part about being comfortable in front of the camera is to get out of your own way and to Be able to trust enough that then this goes away.

I did everything i can for my preparation. How i look how i sound and now i can literally practice the forgetting so that guess now, what's my biggest priority, my viewer a viewer. Yes, yes, there is so much to i'm watching like tristan back here, who has also been on youtube for a long time and every now, and then we will both watch our first youtube videos, oh horrible, right, horrible, but there's something too, and you said it it's About getting reps like the more you, do it the more you do it the more you do it, but you also talked about the sort of ability to observe yourself as a coach, that's hard for people unpack that how do if i really want to get better! You do have to have that critical eye, but it's not it's not beating yourself up. So many people want to.

Oh god, i i look horrible. I look fat. This is that you know i didn't like the lighting and oh, i sound stupid. I made this mistake.

Not that stuff you're talking about more of like the getting the stage persona stuff right is that am i hearing that correctly or no? No, it's all of that. You know. I think that we constantly, i like to compare it to that kind of angel devil right on our on our shoulder, and i think that we all have the ability to have the inner critic or the inner coach and which one are we going to choose to. Listen to, and it is a choice and by the way i like to try to play this game, sometimes with people that really get hung up that really can't get out of their own way and say to them.

Look if you're that self-focused about how you look and how you sound and what you're worrying about that's really kind of a a self. What's the word that i'm looking for a self-centered type of approach, because why are you doing this? Are you doing this? Because you want to be famous - or you want to be, that great on camera personality or what is your your real real thing here? Do you want to help others? Do you want to be of service? Do you want to give value? Because, if that's your true intention, then it's easier to get out of your way, because people don't really care how great you look and sound on camera if they're getting absolutely no value from you and if they are getting something that can really benefit them or serve Them or help them in some way they could really care less if you're, a flawed human being. That doesn't look that great on camera, because guess what they're going to think you're the greatest thing, if you just gave them something, that's going to help their life or their business in some way that was so well said, i feel like we can just end it Right now, there's like three mic drops in the middle that like so basically if you're, narcissistic and you're completely self-centered you're, forgetting why you're shooting video in the first place. It's not about you, it's about them! It's about your and you know like the great seth god always talks about you, like your vibe, attracts your tribe, like you're gon na find the people that, like you, you're going to find the people that love you and, in the meantime, you'll also find people that Don't like you and make negative comments, and all of that is okay, because you're finding the people that that are your peeps.

So so, let's let go ahead. Yeah, i'm just going to say you know: i've worked with so many different people over the years. That are, you know, names that you would know that work in front of the camera and going back to what you said originally at the beginning, was i've seen their early tapes. None of them are good everybody who's good at anything.

All once was a beginner, and i got the tape to prove it on a lot of people that you would be. You know surprised about that they had the same growing pains, the same doubts and fears and all of those things that we share as human beings. So you know being behind the scenes and working with these people over the years and then even just seeing some of their early stuff because of working in the industry. You know, that's given me such great insight.

You know when i go and i speak with younger groups or at schools or colleges like that's the thing that i will say when i start most of my speeches is that the greatest gift that i've been given through all of my coaching and training is to See that everyone has had these doubts and fears and worried about how they were coming across to how they were going to be received, and were they going to be liked or not, and anyone that has a great following you can be rest assured that there's probably And also i hate so and so dot com somewhere, because there's no way that you can uh, you know be the all things to all people and there's no way that everyone is going to like or need what you have to give it's just not possible for Anyone on the planet to achieve that right right, you are so on like so spot on. I love that okay. So, let's, let's do a workshop for the people that are listening right now: okay, i'm in the room with you and i want to become camera ready before we even talk confidence like just camera, ready like what's your list of everything they have to do to just Crush on video yeah all right, so then you want to make sure that your technology is good, that your camera is decent, that your lighting is great, because if you set up your shot and you're framed well - and you fix your hair and makeup and picture wardrobe And you're feeling you know pretty much: okay good enough today, right to present yourself if your lighting is bad you're, going to look bad if you're talking down at people over the camera or not framed correctly or really far away, your presence is going to be very Minimized you know television and video is an up close personal medium. We we want it to be there to replace when we can't be one-on-one with each other, and lighting is everything, but i got news for you.

It's simple these days i mean one ring light placed properly in front of you. Pretty much solves everything, and you know when i started out in the industry. The equipment was tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, and now it's like pretty much affordable for entry. For anyone to be lit well to look, you know really good and, and all of that stuff that used to you know be so much more of an investment and really just to make sure that you have a plan in place and then also to always remember That it doesn't matter if 100 people are tuning in or a million people are tuning in, everybody wants to feel like you're having a just a one-on-one human conversation with them on the other side of the camera.

It's really just to get us where we can't be with someone and a lot of people when they first start presenting in front of the camera they get all official, they get all presentary they feel like they have to. You know i'm giving a presentation now and it's the opposite of what we're all craving. We just want you to chat with us and discuss things with us one-on-one as a human being, and when we look into that camera lens, we need to know that is the eyes of your viewer and think about where we digest our media. We could be.

You know sick in bed with our television on there. We could have our cell phone in all kinds of intimate places in our home, we're looking at our laptop and our pajamas. Having a cup of coffee we're we're people are trusting us to let us into their personal spaces. So the last thing they want to feel like is that there's this guard up on our end.

We need to be as authentic and organic and in the moment, and real with them as possible and again always picturing, that there is a human being here through through that lens that it's not a faceless massive audience. That of strangers that we don't know and - and you know, there's only two ways to get information out to people - you can push it out to them. You can present to them talk at them or you pull them in with your rapport with your stories with your humanity and that's what we have to remember and that's the first thing that goes out the window when people are uncomfortable in front of the camera. Yeah.

All right tech, camera lighting mic. All of that needs to be right, and the good news is today there's so many videos on that and the truth is like this. Wonderful little device solves for a lot of it. I've got the little extra ring light that i can put right over the like the little baby version versus the big version.

That's up here versus you know all the other lights um you mentioned angle. You don't want to be too far away, but you don't want to be. You know you don't want to be too close. I also follow that same rule, which is like this right here is the eyes and soul of the client i'm talking to.

Like i literally say this is the eyes and the soul, and i want to connect with them on that level of sort of. I don't know deep and meaningful level, even when i'm presenting like a tactic or a strategy. So i love all that, but you said plan in place unpack that, because i think this is where a lot of people get stuck. They they're running fast, they're super busy.

Some of the people are listing. This are some of the highest producers performers in their space, so they're running at a million miles an hour and then someone says: okay, patricia we got ta shoot some video ready, go and they're like uh right. How do you? How do you recommend organizing plan yeah? Because, if you don't have some kind of skeletal structure, what's going to happen? Is those ozanams that verbal graffiti is going to happen because you're going to be grabbing for content and grabbing for words that you knows that? To be honest, all of those similar phrases are going to happen, you're going to feel like you're rambling, and you may forget some of those most important things that you want to. So you have to have a goal.

You have to say all right if this is going to be a 2 minute, video a 30 second video attempt, whatever it may be, you're going to say all right. What are like the three main themes or what are the five or six points whatever it may be, and you know we, we tend to remember things in threes as human beings. There's a lot of studies that show this that, if i'm trying to remember something i'm putting out there, if i group it in threes, i'm gon na be more likely to remember it and, on the audience end on the the receiving end, it's easier for them to Digest three things as well so, like i worked with someone recently that is used to going on air and doing like a two or three minute segment and then suddenly someone asked her she's, an interior designer someone said: we'd love for you to do a half an Hour on this, and she panicked she's, like how am i gon na - fill a half an hour and i said all right well, let's really think about this all right. What are like three topics that you really love, that would really resonate with your viewers.

That you think is something that uh. You know you could really give a lot of good content with them. So she picked three topics and i said okay. So now, let's take each of those three topics and under that do a subcategory of what are the main three things of that first topic, one of the main three things of that second topic and so on.

The third one, and now we're going to talk about. Maybe three minutes on each suddenly she's had 27 minutes of content with no problem and she was like. Oh my gosh. I can't believe that i can fill that amount of time, but chunking it down like that was what was really important, and so let's say that you want to do two minutes or six minutes just write down those bullet points, but don't write down verbatim content because Then you're going to be like, oh, i was supposed to say it this way, or i should have said it this way.

Just have the skeletal structure of that. You know run down of what you want to hit and when and that's more easy to keep and maintain in our head when's just those bullet points, and then that will keep you on track and it also then forces you to be very in the moment. Really. Not memorizing, but internalizing what you should know.

You know whatever your expertise is that hopefully you eat sleep, drink and breathe, and it is your passion and as long as you just have that skeletal structure, you should be able to then put on the flesh and the fat in a very conversational manner, but still Know where you're going and then just like a pilot, know how you're taking off and know how you're landing, because the wrap up is where most people screw up because they're just like, i don't know how to wrap this all up in a nice happy bow. So then, maybe remember that the the people remember most what we say last so what's that taste, you want to leave in their mouth. What's that last thing you want them to walk away with, and it can be the three most important things to remember, or what's that one action item that i think will benefit you most from everything. I've said today that you can run with and take action on right now and boom.

That's how you say goodbye, so it's you know how am i getting in? How am i getting out? What are those main bullet points and pretty much? That's all. You need to go out there and and feel like you're, not flying by the seat of your pants. So i'm looking at tristan. What do you think about that structure? Okay, you're! Not! You come over here! Sorry, sorry, i'm inviting inviting my producer into the show who i'm as you're talking patricia he's literally doing this he's he's like nodding, he's like yeah yeah, that's exactly right! So what do you? What did you think about it? So it's funny um.

I've had my youtube channel for about four years now, and it wasn't until last year that every single video that i've done from last year, up until this past tuesday, i literally have bullet points written out in front of my in front of me on my laptop Okay, i'm going to talk about these things and before i had an idea what i want to talk about, and i would do it, but it would take me so much longer to get my point across to the point where i would get frustrated on camera and I'm only five minutes into the video. So now that i have my video structured, i get through it a lot faster, i'm more concise and i say exactly what i need to say instead of just kind of ballparking it and letting things flow through my head, and i just end up in a word: Vomit and pissing myself off exactly and don't you find that when you have that structure, it's not it's still flexible, because it's just a skeletal structure, but it's almost like you can find your flow right and it's actually more enjoyable, because you know where you're going so You're confident but you're free enough to just be conversational right, exactly that's exactly what it is it's funny because again, four years in and i'm just now learning this a year ago - and i can't i can't see myself yeah - i mean i can't see myself - not writing Out any more of my videos moving forward so yeah. Thank you, yeah! You bring up a great point because that's the purpose of us doing this today is to not you know, make people have to take four years to get there now we're showing how you can do that shortcut and start there rather than graduating to that place. 100 and so tristan think about how many tom ferry shows where i would literally say: okay, i'm going to cover this topic, this topic and this topic - and you know sometimes because it was very technical - i'd have like scripting or you know something like that that patricia You would have to give them like the exact language and you don't want to mess it up, but outside of that, i'm, like hey, welcome to tom ferry, show today we're gon na talk about these three things like that was it that was it for, like five Straight years in a row, but but give me some insight, so this has been awesome.

Give us some insight on in your experience. What is the best way to start a video and then, let's get into what's the best way to like to end a video, because we you touched on a little bit, but in your experience somebody wants to thinking about today's world of, like you got three seconds To hook me and then you're out in your experience, what are some of the best things that people should do to start? Well, what i'll say is that years ago i had a friend that was a producer for the dr oz show, and i remember this term came up where she was saying that it's called sexifying something and it's all right. It's a little strange of a term. But what the difference was was instead of saying today on dr oz, we're going to be talking about the five most healthy foods that you can eat to live a long life, so the sexified version of that would be today on dr oz, the five foods that Will put you in your coffin stay tuned? You know so obviously we're getting your attention, but, of course the same thing is: if you know when you really think about what that subject line should be in your email to really make sure some opens your email.

It's the same thing: you want to grab my attention with some. You know interesting fact or a question or something that's going to pull up my emotions or make me feel like well wait a minute. I i need this information, i better listen to this and it's not a bait and switch. Hopefully you are really you know coming through and giving them the content that is going to make that difference.

But it's it's that attention-grabbing kind of headline that says look. I know there's a million things that are trying to buy for your attention today, but i'm going to tell you why you need to listen, look and stop, because this is going to be worth your while to give me that little bit of your time have you Ever um think thinking back to our connection with uh with ken and barbie. I remember uh walking into not their current home, but their home prior to this in newport and in his office there's. You know many fine leather books right, but there was one book that sat right on his like you could see like.

It was the thing he went to the most and almost every page was dog-eared and there was notes inside it and the book was called words that sell. Have you ever seen that book? I know the book i haven't seen it, but i've heard him talk about it. Yeah, it's uh for all my people out there listening like what patricia is saying, is it's it's about headlines? It's. You know you're walking through the grocery store and you turn to the right and it says michael jackson's.

Alien baby right, like you, know, there's a picture of like a green alien you're, not even sure what it means, but it sucks you in and if it doesn't suck you in the hard part of you know, today's world is there's so much content. You got ta punch them in the face and get their attention and then immediately start to deliver on it right. So so you think that is there a second hack outside of provocative headline provocative opening i like sexify, also uh. Is there something else beyond that? I think also to have it come across that it is going to help make your life better.

So when i i've coached a lot of the hosts on qvc and some of the guests and things like that over the years and qvc has this kind of ideology of saying you know everything that we offer is either going to make someone more money, make them More beautiful make their life easier. You know, make their day go better whatever it may be it. There has to be like a goal. How is this going to help me in some way, so, no matter what everybody is tuning into whatever network or website or podcast they're, all really tuned into wifm? What's in it for me right, so we can give them a line that shows them what's in it.

For you, you know, is it going to relieve my stress? Is it going to make me more money? What is it going to do for me, that is also always an attention grabbing line like when i do my newsletters about my my confidence. I will always try to tie that form of confidence into something that is going to hopefully benefit the person in some way enough in that little bit of a line that they'll say you know, maybe i should just quickly i get so many emails, but maybe i'll Open this one, because i can hopefully use a little tidbit in some way, love it so for the people listening. Remember too, this is different from how you're gon na tag the video or uh the language structure inside of youtube, where it wants to be a very um. Let's just call it youtube seo friendly, but that quick hit punchy.

How do i engage people? What about closing the video? You talked about something that i've seen a lot of people do, which they literally say: okay, that's the end of the video right because they because they don't have a formalized strategy for completion, whether it's the wrap up or i don't want to get ahead of it. But like what, what have you seen are the best ways to finish a video and have the user go? I feel complete. That was good yeah. Well, i think that having a standard kind of tagline at the end isn't necessarily a bad thing, even if it's just just a one-liner, you know, like i used to do these medical and wealth, health and wellness things at the end.

Everyone, you know, we give our little summary and then i'd say, take care and stay healthy and they just knew that. That's how we ended the show, so that is a consistent way of letting them know. I'm done now so that that doesn't mean i couldn't give them like three things to remember right before that, or maybe end with an inspiring quote that makes people feel really encouraged. Or you know i'm gon na go out and seize the day.

You know whatever it may be, so i think it's really great to tie in with your brand and who you are as a person a way that you might say something. So i have a friend who will say you know, make it a great day rather than have a great day, because she feels that it's up to you, whether it's a great day or not. So i think that when you are branding you know what your style is and who you are. If you can come up something that really is you know you putting your personal fingerprint on who you are and what you bring that's unique and you have that little.

You know ding that little stinger at the end, that represents that that is really memorable. I can't help i'm thinking of like ron. Burgundy stay sexy san, diego right, but there's something you know i was gon na. Ask you like.

Do you feel that's campy um, but the answer is clearly no like i know for me. Well, yes, i mean, but you know that that i think that was the point of the film right. I i ended a lot of my early videos with strategy managed passion rules like like that was sort of the tom ferry thing right like strategy matters, passion rules um, but i'm thinking about for like a real estate agent or a loan officer or a tech company. That's maybe doing a podcast now um, i think they there's got to be a creative way to end it.

That's just significant and important for them and for their base right. So i like that, make it a great day versus have a great day or what was your one with the health and vitality again take care and stay healthy yeah i mean that's it right, so something like that. Okay good. So we got some opening stuff.

We got some closing stuff. I love the three for the plan. You talked about also um, the one-on-one connection and not coming across overly present-y uh. When people are nervous, how do they do that right? So it's practice and it's so easy to practice.

Now i mean you: if you have a zoom account, you can sign on and have your own little zoom moment with yourself and record it and practice over and over and play it back and watch how you're doing this and watch how you're coming across again know Thyself, which is what breeds that trust in ourselves, so you can always practice and then remember to tell yourself look it's not about you. It really isn't. I get it that we want to feel good and we want to, and we should do everything it takes prior to being in front of the camera to have our act together. We want to feel like you know, we look like you know.

We would, if we're going to go on a job interview or go somewhere. We want to feel good. We want to feel presentable and we want to have all everything technically sound and be prepared right. But then, when we get in front of the camera, there's nothing.

We can do any longer about our preparation. Can't do any more of that can't do anything about how we look at this point, what our wardrobe is or how we sound. So the only thing that will really anchor us is to truly practice that forgetting and say: okay, i'm gon na really focus now on making my viewer be the priority and one effective thing that i work on with my clients is i'll, say just be a teacher. Like remember that teacher that you really loved that you knew cared and knew had a passion and really wanted you to learn.

So if you put your kind of teacher's hat on - and you really look into that camera and say i want to really feel that those light bulbs going off in my viewers eyes. I want them to really know that a i care and be that i'm here to help them learn or benefit in some way. And you know when you, when you remember those teachers who we loved growing up, whether it was elementary school high school or college, and they were in the front of the room and really trying to help us learn. It didn't seem like they were self-focused or so self-hung up at all right because they were forgetting about themselves.

They were there trying to help. Somebody learn something. So if you put that go into that mode and don't worry so much about you know what people are thinking like, here's, a great tip too, never ever envision a critic or someone. Judging you picture someone helping you, i mean somebody that needs your help.

So quick story, i had one of the cooking networks come to me with one of their chefs. She was a female chef, doing pretty good, but she they said that she kept getting really nervous when she would talk to the camera she just was stiff. She was something was off, but then, when she would get into her recipes and making the stuff and doing the business of it, she would relax right. So when i started working with her, my first question to her was: who are you talking to that's really what i usually ask people who are you talking to and nine out of 10 times people either say no one? I really wasn't thinking of anyone.

I wasn't picturing a human being at all. I can't tell you how often i hear that or they'll say: oh the audience. The viewers sometimes they'll say my best friend and i'm like. Okay, thank god.

It's one person, but she looked at me and she said i'm talking to my father and i was like all right. Well, that should be okay, so we dug a little bit deeper. You know we built a little bit more more rapport and i just finally said tribes like. Can you tell me a little bit about your relationship with your father and she's like well? My father was from japan.

He was very, very strict father. He we have a very good relationship, but he always wanted me to be a doctor, and he was very disappointed that i became a chef, so what this woman was doing, even though she was on a national network with a show getting pretty good feedback. She was constantly in her mind, being judged by her father and disappointing her father when she looked into that lens. So as soon as we found this out, i was like okay you're, never talking to your father again this time, you're going to talk to some woman or guy who just burned the crap out of some recipe and desperately needs your help.

Yes, it changed everything for her. You know, what's so great about that, i mean as a sale, everybody's in sales and marketing. Listening this, they understand, like the buyer's journey, persona, marketing who's, your avatar, so i've got tech, prep, connect and, and the next one i wrote down is role model like who who's your role model, like you were talking about, the teacher. Did you ever read todd herman's books that name rigabell? He wrote a book called the alter ego and his whole thing was.

If you want to be more confident like like, i have a photo of jimi hendrix like across from me here or the the los angeles lakers, like you would channel someone that you were like she's got, confidence he's, got confidence and he would say you'd like step Into that character, in front of the camera or making a presentation or whatever, whatever the project you were doing so i'm a huge fan of like role modeling and all of that um back on your list, though earlier you said, there's two ways to communicate with people Pulling them in or - and i forget the second way, but it sounded like more pushing out the message. Could you unpack that a little bit yeah so when we're pushing out we're literally talking at people and it's just all about okay? What's my end goal here, let me get out, let me just i've got to do a newsletter. I've got to do a video. Let me just get this content out because now i've committed to this - and you know i'm supposed to do this once a week for consistency and to build my numbers and build my audience, and you know we get so locked into all of that stuff - that we're Literally, just churning it out pushing it out, pushing it out right and no one likes to be spoken at i mean think of any time that you have gone to a seminar or been anywhere you can tell or or shopping.

You know when someone comes up. Nobody wants to be pushed at and and spoken at and presented at, but we all like when someone just chats with us or better yet tells us a story. We all know in school growing up as kids wasn't did that feel like a break time, when suddenly it was going to be the time for the video or the film or the movie or the documentary or whatever it was because it suddenly was like a break From feeling like we were being like taught at, we were like: oh, i can sit back and how many times have we watched something or listen to someone and not even realize that there was a moral to the story or a lesson because we didn't know we Were in learning mode because we were in storytelling mode and we were like wow, i really learned because it was easy and it flowed and it connected with me. You know all of my emotions - and i i you know - i saw myself in this character or you know i saw myself in these stories in these situations.

You know when, when even when you read personal and professional development books, it's not just like. Okay, do this and do this next and then here are the five steps to this there's, usually stories woven in of how we worked with clients or how things were effective and how someone's life got changed because those stories are what weaves it together and makes that Human connection and that human element that we've been talking about be the the main theme, not just here's, how you do this right now and it's as simple and cut as dry as that yeah, so there's been so much um, so many books and articles and content Created around storytelling and storytelling in my experience is definitely one of the ways you pull people into your message. Do you have any insight around like sort of your tactical approach? If someone said yeah, i just i'm struggling to connect with my audience and you're like you. Need to tell more stories like well, how do i do that right? So they don't all they don't have to be your stories.

They can be stories that you've heard from other people. You can literally go on the internet and search themes and ideas of you know what happens when someone is in this situation or you're learning from and you can you can create stories. You know i work with a lot of authors that uh to help them on their media training, their book tours and things like that, and i can't tell you how many times they've told me that they discovered in the writing process when working with editors and publishing Companies where they're, like you know what you can make up a story with you know fictional characters that represent the point that you're trying to make, and it doesn't because many times if you're, if you are using real stories, you have to change people's names. You have to keep you know, privacy, matters and things like that.

So you have that kind of creative license to think to yourself. How would i create a character? How could i create a situation that really brings home the point that i'm trying to make here? So you know, maybe it's maybe it's something with real estate, where you could tell the story about where someone really had their heart set on this home and they were devastated when it fell through and they couldn't believe that they they didn't get this house. And then you know years later here they are in this home and they're like. Oh, my god, thank god that first house fell through, because this was really where i was supposed to be.

I see now looking back why those things happened, because i was really meant for something else. So that's just like i just thought of that tonight. So once you start getting in that, actually super relevant. That's super relevant to what's happening right now in housing.

That was a great story, a great a great example. Sorry, okay um, but that's all i'm saying once you start training your brain to look for stories or think of them or even create them. In your mind, you start getting more of that. You start getting better at that and you start noticing it.

You know, even when i remember when i first started creating content for uh social media, you you struggle a little bit and then someone at some event said to me. Well, just go, look and see what other people are doing, don't hijack it, but see what that topic is, and then how do you put your personal fingerprint on that topic? How do you spin it so that it's based on your advice but centered, maybe around a similar goal, and that like opened up the whole world to me, because i was like okay, you know, i think someone once said: there's only so many ideas in the world. Okay, we're not going to create and reinvent reality, there's only so many things that go around, but no one's ever put your fingerprint on it your way of looking at it, the stuff - that's happened in your life and your past. So as long as you put this thing on it that nobody else by the way has the similar one to as you do in the entire world, no one can touch your work in your life.

The way that you can, because nobody else has that so it's so great you validated one of the things i've been saying for years. My clients, which is like hey, look, the data is the data on housing, but your opinion about it. That's what i want to know: you're my agent you're, the mayor of my town, you're, my loan officer. I want to understand your opinion about this, because the data's the date is the data.

So i actually love that hack um. So now i've got tech, prep, connect role, model, pull versus push right, and all of that is, you know wrapped up in storytelling. Let's talk about this whole comp, like do you have a copy of your book? I have not got a copy of your book, yet you know i ha because i i only got the digital galley they're supposed to be sending me the physical galley yeah. I don't know if i'm allowed to share my screen, but i can pull up an image.

Can i do that right now? Absolutely, yes, okay when's the book going to be available, so it is in pre-order right now in barnes, noble and uh amazon and some other book sellers, but it will be physically published on september 21st. Love it love it. Can we get the digital version sooner or is everything coming out in september? Everything will come out uh in september, but you can pre-order it ahead of time. Uh hold on i'm trying to share my screen, because i want to do this without having to have to see my entire messy laptop, but i think you're going to have to see that at some point.

Actually, you know what we'll just put it up on there. Don't worry about it, okay, you got it there, it is. Do you see it all right? So let me just love it. Okay, give us the origin story for the person.

That's listening right, there's four parts of this book, but give us like. Why did you write this book? What is the purpose? Who is your audience? What is the message? What are you trying to achieve sure, so the book title is confidence which is a blend of common confidence. It is a term that i register trademarked for training and products, and i've got quite a few uh registered trademarks on it. Initially, it was the last chapter of the book and then i suddenly realized that it was a theme of the entire book and i changed anywhere.

I would use the term confidence in the book to confidence, and then i came up with the four sections and the reason that it was this term was throughout the coaching and training when i would work with people and and anyone you fill in the blank. As far as level of talent expertise, you know when they were, if they were someone famous or an artist or a ceo of a company or just a regular jack or joe, that wants to go on a job interview. The same themes kept coming up that they all wanted to obviously be confident, but they wanted to find their calm so that they weren't getting so much anxiety so that they weren't getting stressed out so that they wouldn't blank out. Have that.

You know mind blown moment of. I don't know what i'm talking about right now, so those two things together was really the magical combination of what everyone wanted to kind of have. And then, when i started thinking about the book, i was like you know everybody's in the spotlight these days, and this was even pre-covered when i had been working on this book and pre-zoom, and things like that, where you know not, everybody is going to want to Be on television, sometimes, you have to be as a necessary evil, and these days more than ever and not everybody's going to be a public speaker. But we all have to communicate, and it was once said that all speaking is public speaking because unless you're in a room, talking alone by yourself, you're public speaking and the craziness of it being such the biggest fear uh and many times.

It's not even a fear that, because if something happened to us, it's because we hear about it - we hear that people are afraid of. We hear other people's horror stories etc. So i wanted the book literally to be for anyone that wanted to be able to communicate with calm and confidence, both internally in how they speak to themselves with their self-talk and then, of course, how that impacts their external communications. So i put it into four sections.

So that it would be easy to follow and the reason that the everyday confidence section starts, it is because it's the foundation of how we wake up and show up in the world every day as a human being, based on what we're saying to ourselves. What's the story we're telling ourselves and how we're going to go about our day and and what the foundation is going to be for our personal lives and our work lives and then part two resilient confidence was, you know we're going to get knocked down, we're going To fail bad stuff's going to happen, we're human, you know, that's the one thing that none of us can escape is that this is, can be a tough world and a tough life, and you know when we get knocked down, and how do we have that grit And how do we have that growth mindset to know that you know what this sucks, but this is usually when i look at i look back the times. I've grown the most when things have happened like that, when i've you know gone and had to retreat, so that i could re-emerge with force later on. How do we do that and then? The third part is communications confidence, which is obviously my background and what i do - and i start with the internal and then graduate into the external, which covers everything from sounding more confident body, language, facial expression, um.

You know again what was doing internally and how that affects externally and then wrapping it up with natural confidence of who doesn't like some cool tricks and tips and secret remedies of foods and natural things that we can do rather than having to you know, have a Glass of wine to calm down or take a prescription that you know could possibly be addicting. What does mother nature hold in the strangest and interesting places that can help us to maybe soften that fight or flight response right before we go into a tough situation and then, coupled with what are those exercises, those mental exercises that we can do to relax to Control our breathing to control our blood pressure and even to get a better night's sleep the night before something important is about to happen. So that's the whole book in a nutshell, i i can't hey. I can't wait to read it.

I can't wait to listen to it. I feel like this should be a book for every ninth grader for the rest of the world. Like you with me like. Could you imagine, like i think about like when you said it earlier? Like i remember being told, most people would rather die than speak in front of the public and you're the first person.

That's ever said: you're always public speaking, if you're communicating in front of someone you're public speaking and yet we know that that, like that's a major factor for people, so so i can just see this book being the kind of book. That is a it's needed, because the problem is enormous and like for my audience, who just wants to get better at it. They want the hacks, like. I know there's going to be a ton inside there, so i strongly recommend you get this book if you're one of my coaching clients, please get this book and let's all get better um, let's go back to just like maybe just three tips on confidence.

What are three things get rid of this all good, all good. What are three things that we can do the night before and before we start so i was giving you six three and three, that's okay, so the night before is to first of all kind of just get rid of everything. That's been in your mind. It's kind of like cleaning out the pockets of your brain right.

So let's say that you are wearing a suit or pants. You wouldn't just go, throw it down at the end of the night or throw it in the laundry without you know, checking getting the change out, making sure your wallet's not in there you make kind of getting that out right. We don't normally do that before we go to bed to kind of just unload everything, to go to sleep with a clean slate um in um dale carnegie's book of many decades ago. You may know it called how to stop worrying and how to start living yeah.

We talked about this idea of living in daytime compartments where he said that anybody can get through any one day by just dealing with that day alone, so you can get from waking up in the morning until going to sleep at night. If that's all that i am worrying about, and he talked about how younger people tend to do this, they just focus on what's happening right now. You know, let me forget, let me not worry about yesterday or tomorrow boom. What's in front of me as we get older, we start to pack it on and worry about everything that happened yesterday what's going on today and oh my god, what's going to happen tomorrow and those three days simultaneously is too much for any human to bear right.

So, to be able to just focus in chunks and i'll chunk this down further with my clients that you know have to go on the today show for 10 minutes and they're dying a thousand deaths for two weeks leading up to it and talk about. No, you know what we're gon na make a time and a place and you're gon na put things into your calendar, for you know what this is when i'm gon na freak out for these 10 minutes stress out and then talk to myself about what can i Do to make sure i'm prepared psychologically spiritually. You know physically, etc and then have a game plan. So the night before do some kind of download and whatever that means is let go of the stuff that you don't want to bring into tomorrow.

.