Foreign. Hey welcome back to the podcast. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever found yourself just pulling your hair out saying how do I get it all done? Yeah, I can run my business but then my life kind of falls apart and then all of a sudden like you got your life really working and then your business kind of falls apart.

Have you ever been there before? If you have I want to see a comment immediately. if this, it absolutely relates to you. I'm gonna help you I've got a guest with me today. What's up? Kirsten How are you? uh, one of the most coachable people I've ever met? And you need to be more coachable.

But you know what I'm saying Three kids, a husband, an enormous business, a television show, a personal life. Half a time when I'm following you on Instagram I'm like they're in Switzerland again, how do you pull that off? living in New York City Um, for the person that doesn't know who you are, give them a little backstory. Oh well. um.

I've been in the business now for 15 years and I don't actually have any other life experience. I was just with Roger's healing. we were joking. we're both like we're like Nepo.

what is it? babies right? Be it real estate babies? Yeah, 19 years old going to Real Estate that's all I've ever done exactly I don't know anything else and so I started off as in literally an apprentice to a top agent and from there have been in Manhattan now multiple Boro real estate for all that time I worked for other people on teams for the first 11 years of my business. Why? Because I didn't believe in myself? yeah and um, like fundamentally and uh and then I was cast on the show million Dollar List in New York Yeah and everything kind of changed and everything kind of changed and to like you know, say exactly what it was. it was that I got validation from a from a a party that was larger than my Consciousness could understand which is Bravo yeah that in NBC Universal that was like we think you're cool enough yeah to take it to the next level yeah and I needed them yes really badly to tell me that I was that person yes and then I was like oh wow this is going to be so easy because just if you get on TV everything's okay right? And then we filmed covet happened. Filming took 18 months so I was gonna be a star for 18 months it was like this like it's gonna be great when you the show hits and then it's going to be great and then you're going to be on TV and everything's going to fall into place.

You'll see it's going to get easier, it's going to be great. In the meantime I'm spending more money to try to have help. Didn't have a plan or organization. Do you even have a vision for what I needed from the show? it's just like I'll get on the show I'll get more business.

It was something where I didn't have I didn't I had a business and I knew how to be an agent because all I had been doing was practicing yes being an agent and and but I didn't know how to do anything and I didn't have a background in management I didn't have a background in anything else I had a background in doing deals and knowing how to do every aspect of the deal because I've been in a supporting role for all this time. Yes! and so when I got cast on the show it was like oh, now all of a sudden you are officially you're like from one day to the next, you are now out of the office doing stuff that is for your future business for 10 to 15 hours a week? Yes! And what are you gonna do with your clients? What are you gonna do with your time? How are you going to be focused on your highest and best use when you're not there? And how are you gonna literally like man up in in like two weeks Yes to make it happen And so that and oh by the way, and manage three beautiful children, Three children and four we count Your husband Yeah exactly And a husband who wants who who travels for work and travels for pleasure and has like a whole world in Europe that isn't here in the US Yes so it was just kind of like this it was. It was totally crazy and I didn't actually like I actually crashed burned in the first two or three weeks of of filming and the producers came to me at because I got super burnt out I got super sick and the producers came to me and were like when it was when I got better because I had to cancel a week of filming for me which is actually a huge pain in the ass because there's a lot that lines up even though our listing is real. Yeah, millionaire listing is real but there's stuff you have to plan to film of course.

period. That's just how it works And and so they were like hey, like if you don't start taking care of yourself and like figure this out it won't work Yeah, just so you know and here being you know to everybody it was like all you got to do is get cast from the show and your life's gonna be okay. It was like no all you have to do is get cast on the show. keep your life together.

Film be amazing. Keep it together. Well nobody knows you're going to be on the show exactly and then it's gonna air and then oh wait Oh yeah. but it still takes two to three seasons for your business.

Really, it gets affected by the show. Yes. and then it got canceled. Yes yes.

So here we are today and the show. The show started filming in the beginning of 2020. Yeah, and we're in the we're in the Spring of, you know, spring summer of 2023. So a lot has happened since since then.

So how many were you on two seasons I was on one season, just one season. One season now. I do a lot of contributing like to yeah on broadcasts and stuff like that which I love doing and actually that calls to me a lot. I See you on TV Yeah Reality Rowdy was a struggle.

reality treat to me was a struggle for me. I'm not gonna lie like I manufacturing not manufacturing. it's not fair but but creating stakes and stakes and steak I'm like a very low drama you know, very low-key human. um with a lot of energy was was was totally tough for me.

So so anyone listening right now might be asking themselves okay now why are you having her on the show Because she just made it sound like everything was completely insane and yet I know you I know that you know with the help of supporting you know teammates with the help of your coach, your amazing husband, you actually have kept it all together and that is super impressive I mean I run into Fast Pace you run into Fast Pace A lot of us do the personal listening right now absolutely does as well. So let's just talk. I Wrote down kind of two things I Want to explore first. How do you? How do you keep your personal life together? Backstory: My mom when my parents got divorced was like I don't know 30 something, right? I I was six and I remember watching her from like six until the time that she got into a significant relationship which must have been around 10 or 11 for me, 10 or 11.

she managed four kids. she worked Monday through Friday Nine to Six. Somehow she still like went dancing right? because that's just who she is. She went on dates, she had fun.

We were always here together having dinner. She was always playing like Sound of Music or some crazy record like. She made it all work and had an amazing life. Mom I'm not razzing you.

She wasn't running a business. Yeah, she was. You know, she was plugging into somebody else's business and was super effective at her work. She made great money for, you know, a single woman back in the day like it's like 19 1976.

She was killing it. But she wasn't running a business, right? There's just more to it's 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I Don't care what anybody says, especially real estate, it's not Monday it's Friday Nine to six it is 24 7. how? what are the things you've learned to compartmentalize to keep your time organized to be with your children to have a regular relationship? If that's even possible with your husband? like give us yes, he's a developer.

So we talk about real estate all day. every day, right? Exactly. and you send them out on appointments I know the inside baseball so so give us some of the things that you put in place or the person that's listening who just says God like I'm just run ragged. Oh yeah, what are they so ragged.

So ragged. So I was just talking about this and I have three rules that I that I apply to running my business and my home. and the the rule like the first rule is that you're gonna have to own that you're gonna have to make the systems and that there's going to need to be that it's going to be consistently changing because the home and the business are very similar in the sense that certain things only work in certain stages and then in new stages, you need a new infrastructure. Yes, right.

And and when you're running a household of three, I have three small children right now they're in three different schools in Manhattan which is literally means that the the actual just the coordination from right places is a big deal. Um, and your strollers, Your, your strollers, your car. I Was saying to this people yesterday, your stroller's literally your car. Yes, and now they're not in strollers.

But okay so this idea of everything's gonna always be changing every time you set up systems. Those systems are going to fail in the beginning. Yeah! and No One's Gonna think that you're serious about your systems in the beginning. so like even just training your any sort of help that you have or even the the people at daycare that hey like nine to five.

if you expect me to come at the last minute to pick up my kid because they have pink eye like that's not happening. Yeah, like you're gonna have to. you're gonna like, you know, whatever that is because I think that there's different expectations. you know clearly.

So it's setting up the systems knowing that those are going to fail and it's going to be frustrating giving yourself. Grace and the fact that there's going to be changes that are always going to happen during those days. but owning that if you don't set up the systems and you don't really take it seriously that like this infrastructure has to exist, you will never leave the house. Being a child of a single mom, going back to that like literally and I was the second job my mom was like, all right.

here's the deal. uh your older brother Matt sorry Matt If you're listening, you know like you know he's all over the place. Um I need to put the crock pot on at three o'clock when you get home from school. Turn that thing on It was like written out like and that was my job.

Click the click and then set the table. By the time I get home. Yeah. I'm six seven? Yeah okay like there was no like I had like my little sister and brother were like in daycare until like five, five thirty she picked him up.

Yeah, Boom. here's your Beanie Weenies Like a system will produce. What a system will produce nothing more and you'll fall back and you will fall back to whatever those systems are every single day. And so it's it's ha.

It's so that's number one. Okay, but I wanna you said something that I thought was really profound. So own and make the systems and understand that certain things will work and that eventually they won't like the you know the kids change. There's three different schools.

they're out of the stroller Like how often do you have to to look at the systems or do you just wait for them to break and then you're like okay, wait, that doesn't work anymore. Well I Think that in the early years like you're kind of like it's like a shifting all the time because it's like every three months something's changing. You know there's that. and then as they get older from what I can see and those are my kids are five, uh seven and nine right now and I would say now it's like you do kind of wait till stuff breaks because like you don't want to get too far ahead of yourself because no matter what something's gonna happen like my nanny quit in December 15th and was like I'm moving out in two days and and it was like yeah I wasn't super happy with you.

it wasn't working amazingly but like it was gonna break and so I was gonna let you break it before I broke it because I just didn't have the bandwidth to make that. so then it was like okay I'm super upset. can I keep you but no the truth is is this is a sign of we need this next change right and so then okay what is it that I actually wanted to level up and ask the universe for and who is this next person in this role and that's getting to the next point that I don't go there yet because I want to unpack still because number one. So so what do you say to the person and I talk, talk to him or her listening right now that just says I'm just not that organized so like you know and I have after you know if oh my goodness like something happened I have to drop everything and run all the time and God bless you there's just a lot of people that just allow the universe life something, they stub their toe Yeah and they just they just refuse to be disciplined and organized and and follow some method of structure.

And then what happens is they're constantly in a state of complaint because they're never making the kind of money that they want and then they have like there's no growth in complaint, right? criticism or comparing. right? No growth. But they're constantly comparing other agents other people's circumstances. Oh well.

see I'm single, she's got a husband. You know what I mean like they're doing that all the time. What advice do you have for that individual right now that just needs a little? Straight Talk Um well what is the one thing that you did in the last five years that you can remember that was like a goal that you had that somehow you got your together and you got there and then what? What was that? Because right now then it means either like what you're saying that you want to do, you don't actually want to do because if you don't want it bad enough, you're not going to do it and the same I mean that's what it was for me I didn't like my systems were not airtight by any stretch in the first you know for the last until probably 20 20 21 is when I started saying like this is like I don't have a choice, there's no choice and I want this Million Dollar Listing thing so badly because I see it as something that's going to change my life and it's going to make things exciting and it's gonna. it's gonna make it's gonna validate me sticking it out in this awful industry for the last 10 years or 12 years that that I I need this and so I'm gonna figure out how to get it together because I used to be like oh God I can't you know there was years where I was like I can't wake up at five to exercise? That's ridiculous I'm ruined for the rest of the day I can't do I can't like all the things I can't couldn't do I do now yes because I want it so bad yeah and I want I was like this is what I want so badly.

this is going to save me and so if you then then you got to find something else you want badly enough because apparently you don't want it badly enough. If you're not, because you will find a way. yeah, people will find it. Yes, even my most disorganized friends when they really want something or there's something I mean it's amazing.

It's amazing what people can do. Yes. So once you want it bad enough, then do I need like an sop or I'm talking like that's okay. Okay, yeah yeah, she's the kind of sop.

Yes. I Think you got to find somebody who you can align yourself with is more organized than you. If you're not the one that's going to be organized, that's been my story. and if it's like even, maybe that's a spouse, maybe that's a maybe, that's a friend, that's an accountability partner, maybe you actually hire somebody.

Whatever it is, there are ways to find complementary people in your life that can enable you to I mean I feel like I'm the complimentary person to so many friends where they're like they call me up I Literally was even talking to a friend of mine who who like we're we're not. We're close friends but we've not known each other for very long and she's like yeah I love calling you because you just tell it to me straight and I get off the phone and I'm like ready to go I'm like yeah, this is who you are. This is what you need to do and you're dead. Go okay she's like okay, okay, great I barely know you but you're right.

Okay, I'm gonna make you a coach. You watch out. I'll tell you. Okay, so rule one is own it and then make a system and then just give yourself when it breaks.

Yeah, the first. Yeah, you gotta own it. You gotta make this. You gotta know that it's gonna break and you gotta know that it's gonna change and you have to be thankful when it's working right? Just be thankful when it's working Every day that you come home and like the kind of plan that you did and it actually works.

You should be thrilled, right? And when people are doing things right, you need to reward them. So Okay, number rule number so that's so. there's a little added more which is like thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for listening. All right.

What's rule number Two? Rule number two is that you have to own that you can't do it alone and no matter how organized you are and no matter how much you need to put systems in place and you can do it yourself. if you try to do it alone, you will fail. Yeah and yeah, why is that there? There's so many and everybody. Everybody has a very valid reason Why? Yeah, you know I don't trust people.

That's usually the case. Nobody do this as good as me I tried it once, you know I I Went to pet a dog. it bit me I all dogs bite I Can never do it again I Tried to hire an assistant. uh, she was a crackhead.

Like there's all these like stories right? But you and I both know further farther faster. With a team, you can only go so far as an individual. So do you think some of that is is just deep down inside? People just don't want enough? They don't want it bad enough. I Think it's also really shrink to the size of their own constraints of time I Think it's also just really hard to let people in like it's just it's just so hard to like I mean we're literally I'm dealing with this all day every day which is like how do you let people farther enough in so that they can actually help? yeah and actually like, say what you need and say what you want and like then when it doesn't go right, give people gentle feedback that you need things done slightly differently or say I don't actually know how I want it done.

but I saw this person and it looks like this: like but I know it isn't what you're currently doing. Yes, that is how you're doing. um and then and then yeah and then and then when they and then when that person's not the right person, you know you do have to cut bait fast. I Mean it's like higher, higher, slow Fire fast I mean it's just it is what it is.

And I've made so many hiring mistakes and I've learned so much from those hiring mistakes and the one. The biggest thing is if things aren't right, you got to get rid of them as fast as you can because no matter what you think, having the wrong person in the wrong seat is the end of your business and your personal life period. There's so much, especially home life more than even anything I Know people who stick it out with bad people in their home for way too long and it's right. It's like it's bad, had energy is bad.

You're like that's where you're and the same thing is on your team. One Bad Apple And and when it's the opposite, how good is it? Oh, when it's the opposite, it's like you feel free and you also just feel supported. And then there's reinforcement to the things that you actually want to do their accountability just in having normal good people around. So what's your rule around hiring people? What have you? What have you learned? What are some of the mistakes We've learned so much about hiring it's been I mean I Feel like we've first of all I love the personality testing I Love the disc profiling.

All that stuff is great. Somebody just introduced me to um Working Genius which is which has also got another personality profiling which I actually think we I would almost consider now that we're creating or an organization and we're not just creating roles I would consider using that as well because it talks about how people work together and how you need a certain balance in that way which I like. Um, so I love the personality profiling and then it. There's also just this, like making sure that there's a certain trial basis in place and and also never underestimating how much it's going to take to train somebody who doesn't have experience at all in a particular role and so like, where can you have them have useful experience maybe from another industry or from some other job, but making sure that you have a plan for the fact that there's going to be a gap somewhere.

always for sure. and and I'm terrible at training people I am like I was I've never been trained I've always been on on the job training my whole life. so I don't know how to train people. That's something that literally my operations team has like had to create trainings because I don't know how to train people I'm just like, do it.

Just figure it out I never I don't know how people show houses. don't say anything too stupid. someone will buy yeah I Was on the phone this morning with the CEO who uh, his company is now nine months old I bought a third of this business and I'm super super excited about him. the CEO she's a genius he says to me this morning he's like I figured it out He said it's 10 hiring 90 onboarding and training 10.

hiring 90 I was like Chris yes he's like when I he ran a billion five sales team, figured out this whole recruiting methodology and and what he figured out was like, you know, basically he'd interview somebody. He's like she has a good personality, she's not crazy. we did a drug test right? she's not. You know, she's not a complete wackadoo I can now take that now if I spent 90 of the time training, teaching them what to say, how to say it, what to do, how to use the systems, how to write, offers, how to call the listing agent and get your offers.

If I spend 90 of my time there, he said that's how that's how we did a billion five in 18 months with a bunch of brand new agents. So so what do you think is the biggest mistake? Like the person listening right now that's like oh my goodness. I've hired people in the past and I've done that Seagull Management fly-in poop leaves right? Like, not enough training, not enough. You know exposure experience right? What do you recommend? Well what? I have done and this is the only thing that I've seen work because I've never actually been part of an organization before.

Remember I've only been in real estate? Yeah, real estate, right? Yes. and I've only been on. I was on two different teams and I thought that the way that they ran things were not the way that I would want to run things. Sure and and so what? I My my head of Operations came from uh, 10 years in Consulting Perfect working and change management.

Yep somebody who loves systems who also loves processes but also is really like change management. This is very interesting but it involves like a lot of communicating with people for sure and telling them about things before they happen. And Like Preparing People and like, really like galvanizing a group, but also just there's just so many layers to it that I didn't really realize because I go with it with change like I just like roll with it I like laugh I'm like ah, it's funny like LOL LOL oh my God it changes again exactly. but they say it takes between seven and eleven times you have to tell somebody something before they finally get it.

Yeah, like seven to eleven times. Like over and over and over. and also and then they're like oh, so you're saying that there's a new contract? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am 7 to 11 times is the average and I kind of always lean towards 11. yeah for sure.

So so so I would say over communication over communication What? But but when it comes to talking about training people, the I was I'm never going to be the one that's going to own being really great at training. Yeah, it's just never going to be me. I'm great at leaving. Leading a sales meeting is super fun for me talking about things ways like for me.

my greatest impact to the agents is even though I love the deal Doctrine which I'm getting out of. Yeah, it's the hey I wish somebody had forced me to learn this during a sales meeting 10 years ago. Yes! and I want to talk to you guys like the other day I came in I was like hey I just want to talk to everybody about like what they see top agents doing just like habits like let's just talk about it I just want to like I just want to do it I just want to do a board of like things that top agents do and they're like and and we left the meeting and it was like yeah these are things that I wish somebody had said and then it was okay they're all going to these top clubs with people and doing this and I saw this guy out doing this or I saw this person or they're doing this and they and I was like so now that you've realized this, where does this all come back to what is the main theme here and I wish somebody had said that to me yes like hey, your day job is to set appointments in blah blah but if you want to like setting appointments and funneling nine to five if you want to really get to the next level, it involves what you do outside of the 95 and who you're spending your time with one thousand and I can give you the best scripts and I can make you make your calls, but if you want to take it to the next level, it's going to be reading the mags, knowing what's going on with the data, and then also hanging out with the right people, right? right? Okay, so own that you can't do it alone. Final thoughts on this one before: like just tell the listener that it's like like they just checked out for the last couple minutes I can't Yeah I can't or somebody because that would be way too hard and I've fired so many people and I tried that once and it didn't work right right? If there had, there has to be like a come to Jesus Yes and I think that if you think about it as an example I think the way the way I always and I use this technique with myself all the time is hey, now that I don't clean my own toilets anymore If somebody said to me hey, here's like the cleaning ladies away, Here's the thing: Clean your own toilets I'd be like are you kidding me yeah like I have so much other to do and I'm gonna literally clean.

No. like I'm not doing that. Yeah, However, all of us don't think of any. They don't think of stuff that is.

that is stuff that they shouldn't be doing like cleaning toilets. They think of it like, well, it's kind of got to get done and I'm the only one that can kind of do it and either and I can never do is just run this across town, fill out the functions. they're not equating it to something that's really not their job right? Because once you stop cleaning toilets, you never clean toilets again. Yes, and so period.

So then the question becomes is what is going to be your cleaning toilets that you can look at and be like no way I'm doing that Yes, but the problem is is nobody makes that differentiation. They let everything be in this gray Zone Where there's not a level one, two, three, it's just and so that's and so if you can start doing that with stuff that you when you after you finish tasks that you after you finish doing, you're a worse person when you started. yeah, those need to go. yeah.

and and if if it's taking out a loan I don't care what it is like I I Would like to. and for some people I want to be sensitive and know that certain people are not in a place where they can hire somebody. but there's a way there's a way to leverage. There's always a way to leverage you could.

literally So so I'll piggyback on that I literally would tell people hey around May or June which is coming right around the corner, go to Facebook or Instagram or whatever your most popular platform and say hey, if you have a college graduate or somebody in college or even in high school and they want to learn how to make 100 or 200 000 a year selling real estate I'm looking for three summer interns that can help me do email marketing Direct Mail make some phone calls and learn the business of real estate. Just put their name below or send me a DM and all of a sudden people are like dude I got like 15 people like what do I do with them all and I'm like then here's here's the second task: I Tell people make it, Make a list. Here's what I love to do that makes me money. Here's what I'd love to do that makes me money in my business.

Here's what I hate to do that I know somebody else could do for less than it takes the time for me to do it and you make up the list and you're like okay I'm gonna have all the free interns do all of this stuff right? You with me and what's so great today is you could literally say well, but how do I process and how are the chat GPT right? Uh yeah yeah Google YouTube You know hey Coach I Need an sop for this I need a script for that I Need a checklist for this or or better you say hey, welcome, you're you're an intern, you're in college, you're now on my team for the summer. Here's what I want you to do I want you to scour the internet and find every checklist for this and I want you to build an sop for me like this. Yeah, you know what a college kid says oh I can do that in two seconds because you're doing homework. They're taskers.

It's better than hiring somebody five years out of college. Yes, So so what you're really saying is be resourceful. You have to be yourself. Don't blame resources.

Listen I I Legit Was the borderline assistant for everybody for 12 years in business and like, can you believe that I did that? Yeah, I did it because I didn't know that I didn't believe in myself that there was another way that I didn't believe that there was any way that I I was hitting I always thought you had to hit a certain number and that's when you hired the person. Yeah, when the truth is, is a little part-time person. five years earlier and I would have been completely there. yeah, or at least started learning how to train someone or how to teach someone to do and how to Outsource it I just I wasn't there 100 And you know, like with sales people, it's you.

You bring in five sales people. you're gonna make two additional sales every single month. You just don't know which of the five are gonna do the deal. Yeah, right.

That's just the way it works in the beginning and eventually it could be one month where they do five or six or seven transactions. But I remind everybody if you have five more people that are even 50 as good as you, that's still a 250 percent Improvement of output of people that are holding open houses, people that are knocking on doors, people are making phone calls, people are doing showings. so you can just do exponentially more through people. You know it.

I Know it. Awesome. What's Rule Number three? Rule number three is my favorite is that there will be judgment. So good, right? right? The Judgment Okay, starting with starting with the fact that right now someone is saying is Tom Ferry short or is she really tall I know they gave me an extra block everybody, it's pretty good.

It's pretty nice. Hello Welcome to my channel. Very very short wasted with 11 inch heels. Okay, good or an Apple box.

All right. Rule Number three: No judgment. No, there will be just other people will judge you. Yes for outsourcing other agents.

Uh, your family members, your friends will judge you for outsourcing. And and I tie this into a lot of this stuff specifically for women. Yes, because men don't get judged as much for outsourcing because it's just just the way that it works with with gender. Yes, and women get judged for anything they Outsource right the second.

you're not the one doing every single thing in the in, the marriage, in the in the family, and whatever you are Outsourcing your responsibilities. And the truth is is that Hey, for someone like me, Outsourcing a lot of my responsibilities is the best way for me to generate a tremendous amount of income right? right? and and influence and joy and things that are like not tangible that make the world a better place. Yes yes. And and some of the people who work for me doing all kinds of stuff like I freaking love all of them right? and it's It's awesome and they're happy doing the jobs that they do.

That are the things that are my levels one, the twos and threes that I shouldn't be doing so I Love it In my uh, my second book I Wrote about the addiction addiction right is they're just so afraid of being judged. They're so afraid of being criticized public or private and my response is screw them all I don't give a where did that come from for you. that like everybody was judging me with art no the the clearly you don't give a shed or or you do but you just accept it is what it is I think you're gonna live your life anyway. Well the Million Dollar Listing thing like took a lot of giving the away because I was like if you're gonna be on reality television, you have to, you really have to stop caring.

Yeah what other people think because there's a tremendous amount of judgment around reality TV I Feel like I was a super upstanding human being when in the scheme of reality television. Um, but exposing even lightly exposing your family to you know, being on television in that kind of setting clearly is like very questionable ethically. for a lot of people there's all kinds of things that that sparked a ton of judgment. Yes friends that that like you know I don't even hear from anymore you know and then and then when it comes to the then what it took to then do that and then leverage that and create a team and have a real business and has has involved further infrastructure in the home.

Yes and at the office. Yes that I mean even my I randomly ran into my old boss and I I like the eye roll like the it's like how many people do you have now what do you what like yeah what? What's your like? What are they are they making any money? Yeah yeah they're all making money. How do your clients? How do your clients feel about other people showing? I'm like is right, just all the nonsense right? Yeah, How does your husband do with it like you know you have like a real business? Yeah, this whole personal brand and all of that. Yeah, it's it's yes.

People and family will judge you, Family will make comments, family will make comments, there are people who will never get over it and they'll still be your friend and be around you and talk about you in front of you. Yeah, you just have to be ready to say and and I think for me personally I've just decided to say listen, this is like what this is what I always wanted to do I found my calling I found it in my late 30s. Leave me the alone Yeah, like seriously yes like I serious like this is I found what I was meant to do I didn't even know that it was hiding deep down inside of me that I actually wanted to do TV Yeah and all of it and now it's like something that brings me a tremendous amount of joy and energy and without it I'm actually not the same person right? I think about uh I wish you could meet my my former coach now just long time dear friend. A guy named Teresa Jabbar who I think you heard me tell the story was like Landing in New York City about to get my second book published and I was in a panic attack thinking about all the people that said to me you should just stay in real estate, don't write a book for the general public, you know, kind of stay in your little box fairy.

You know you're dabbing right and I was like screw that right? like I write this book and literally in a panic attack thinking oh my God it's about to actually happen like they're gonna sign me like I'm gonna actually have to publish this and then go on tour and I remember thinking to myself like in a panic I call her I'm like Teresa what do I do and she's like Tom are you willing to be a 10 out of 10 in every area of your life with no apologies and not giving a about what everybody else thinks and I was like yeah and that was it. Like it was just something about the moment, the stress. the it was probably the first time in my life where I actually felt like anxiety. Do you know what I mean like holy, it's about to happen Really? Because like, you're so you're so coached yourself into pushing yourself outside your comfort zone right? You're like the limits, you're still.

But when you really do it when you really put your ass on the line right? Which Doing television, building a big business? Yeah. destroying the the you know, for some people, their stereotypical perception of how a woman is supposed to operate right. Breaking through all that nonsense I'm so first of all I'm just super proud of you. Thank you.

What advice do you have with the person right now that's listening who says well, you don't understand like my spouse wants it this way or you know my parents always did it like this because like we all got it from our parents. Oh yeah, we all got it from us. You know what I mean oh you're just a little too Money Motivated I was like no I just didn't want to live in a little house like you like I wanted my daughter yeah so financially motivated and like people are like well you can't pay your kids for stuff that they're supposed to do and I'm like I don't know what I don't know but it's working No for the record, call your CPA or tax person. you can put your child uh, six thousand dollars a year and they don't pay any taxes and you don't give them the money, you just put it away.

My daughter wants a full-on allowance for doing stuff she's supposed to be doing. Yeah, we're working on that. Yes, but um so so the advice for people who have are surrounded by somebody surrounded by people that are just that are Look, people are always doing the best they can with what they got. You know what I mean So so we like I'm always very mindful of when someone is judging me or like I did a post with uh Ariana Huffington and like the comments were just like like it was almost comical how much they were attacking me right? and all I was talking about like get over your addiction to the opinions of other people right? they're like who does this guy and like I went on there and I started like reaching out to people and asking more questions which just fired the flame of their insanity.

But in my heart of hearts I was like hey, they're just doing the best they can with what they got. oh 100 I mean we, we're all still doing the best we can, right? for sure. um I I think you need to find somebody who is there. Everybody's got somebody that's in their sphere in some form that is living the life or doing the thing that they want to do like I realized at one point, especially when I was when I had really been in like this.

like changing I had to change my life so quickly. right when it came to even just like the whole Child Care piece, it was wild, right? and and I remember being like who do I know that's a woman that's actually got a big job that has kids and like how does she do it yeah and I was like who do I know who do I know and then I was oh my God I only two women that are really in my sphere that are like this, that's a problem yeah and so I reached out to those two women and I was like what do you do This one had twins and she's literally like a like a partner at like a private equity and she was like well, her husband doesn't work now and she's like so he's home with the kids during but I still have a full-on full-time nanny for them so it's my husband doing a lot of the duties that you would expect me to do full-time Nanny And and house housekeeping and the women that I know that are like me in my position that have a husband who also works they all. they have two nannies. Yep, two full-time nannies and you know what? Like that's New York City I Know for some people that's just disgusting and they like are like throwing up in the bathroom right now about that.

But like that is that is what it takes. And these are women who are making millions of dollars a year. Yes, and they're still going to judge them for outsourcing things because as a woman, they should be doing that and that I find insane If a man's making a half a million dollars a year and he doesn't have a second, it's gross. Yes, whereas women can be real estate agents and make a million dollars a year and people wanna or 200 2 million three million dollars a year and everybody's gonna judge them because they don't want to clean their own toilets like and and I'm like the last person to be creating some sort of create you know being on a soapbox or Apple box about all this stuff.

but I will tell you that it's real, that it's real I know and you have to and I what I do is I actually just pretend it doesn't exist. Yeah and I just lit because people always say you know, what's it like You know you go to these meetings with all these men and like how does it go and you know, do they mansplain stuff too I'm like I get mansplained all day every day and I freak exactly exactly. Oh honey, let me show you how to write this. You're like okay, this is great oh yeah, show it I can't wait You're gonna show me Grace yes I want to see it.

it's so I mean it's so amazing I wish I wish there was like 50 women that I've worked with over the last decade like the Maxine gallons of the world who got she just turned 85. yeah, she got married right and she just got married after 38 years of dating. You heard it here first, but she's but like her and Fred who dated for 38 years she's figured out like you know Fred retired and she was like well, why would I retire like I'm maxing gallons me and Marty like we're making millions of dollars a year Selling Houses and like she's like I just don't care, she's like I just don't care what anybody thinks and maybe it's now she's 85 so she really doesn't care but when I met her when she was 67, she didn't care then either. She was like look, I'm I am on this planet for a short amount of time I'm gonna do the stuff that makes me happy and I will attract other people that get it And it doesn't mean she didn't deal with douchebags and Knuckleheads along the way everybody does.

This is part of the human experience, but there just takes. There just takes something in you that you have. What's what's the what's the easy next step for the person that's just really caught up in judgment. Well I think you have to create an alliance with somebody who you profoundly respect in a lot of different ways.

That is is is pushing is outside of your comfort zone, as to what they're doing and how they're doing it and and clearly like getting a coach or somebody who's going to be able to help you push yourself like I I work with a life coach in addition to the time coaching and with Yvonne Arnold who's amazing and um, and and and and I don't even meet with her weekly I mean sometimes it's once a month, sometimes it's an actual emergency phone call. sure like this thing's happening and like I actually can't process it and I'm really good at moving beyond like I'm a goldfish Yeah, I can move on really quickly three four seconds next. but sometimes I have moments where I'm like why can't I move on from this This was really like out of the blue really hard for me I can't handle this like even Million Dollar Listing not coming back I was like I this I need a session on this? Yeah, like I had a plan. it was around Million Dollar Listing continuing to be on on the air.

Yes like I did this whole thing because there was going to be a whole it was. That was what I did and now and now mapped it all out. three four years. Yeah, yeah and then gone.

So I think that if you own and make the system but understand that things will change right and it's going to be for a reason. Yeah and for me it was for a reason because actually being a mother the way I want to be a mother was actually not going to be sustainable with Million Dollar Listing at the time maybe maybe in six months it would be now. but like the way that I had set up my life still I was able to jump back into my business as we stopped filming and and now broadcast is very efficient. You're in there and you're out of there.

It's stuff you're already talking your clients about and for me that stuff's really fun so we'll see, there will be more and there will be other um but but that was the so that's what I think that's what you need to do and if you can find a coach that is going to help you with that emotional piece and make you understand it and make you understand. Because for a lot of us it's deeper. It's deep-rooted trauma and and and other things that are really cheap. One thousand percent really deep.

That's that is like 90 of the beginning of every coaching relationship I've ever had. I'm always asking like Okay so just tell me about you talking about the earliest memories, tell me when you first like realized it wasn't working. what's the thing you've said to yourself a thousand times you've never told anybody out loud and they're like I'm not smart enough I'm not as good looking as my older like just like you just hear this stuff and you're like okay but now like now I understand what I'm dealing with I mean I and now I can help Yeah yeah I did I did Unleash the Power Within in 2019. yes with Tony Robbins yes with my husband yes we're like into that stuff.

really into that stuff and we did that and it was literally I Did it the weekend before I did my my screen test for Million Dollar Listing yeah so did you walk in it was so Cinder I Walked in and I was like there's only one person for this job exactly I was like not only am I the funniest and the smartest but God damn it people like me and and but it but what was what? what my point of that was is that the story every time I go to anything like this there's what story am I gonna change and the story I had was I can't do this because I have kids I can't do that because I have kids I can't do that because I have kids and I left there saying I am no longer going to make my excuse me that I have children Bingo and it's going to be what I use to leverage to because I'm doing so much anyway and then I'm and I'm not going to let that be what holds me back. yes and I moved on from that. Yes, and now you know Now we've got now. I've got something.

Everybody's got something new. You know what they're next, right? What? Am I going to get over next, right? I mean I'm literally going through like Janelle Garrison Marty You know, Marty Gallons was two sons that played professional baseball, but for them to play professional baseball while she was building her real estate practice, that was a lot of time on the field going to games. you know, not just regular high school stuff. It was like club and then it was college and like I coached them through that entire journey and watching how much time they were able to get away because they said we can sell real estate anywhere we are in the world.

it's just a phone call and then if you have a team hey when it used to be hey fax that offer to then email that offer to let's go present that offer. Everything is possible. but I want to go back to one. Something you said earlier when I said what's the what's the first move you said look into your circle and find someone that's already doing it like proof Yeah I am obsessed with carefully curating remarkable people who you know some of them I'm really close with some of them.

You know they're they're not, but they'll but they'll return my phone call. so give me a coffee meeting I Can I can you know? snuggle up and ask a few questions I'm obsessed with that because it's there's this talk of like you know it's the five closest people I actually think that's kind of I think it's really the two closest people. maybe even like one. that is just you know you two can really go at it, but you need to have like this bigger broader network of people that this one over here has been married for 60 years.

the same person, they have a loving relationship and every time I see them I'm like you two need to get a room and they're like 80. right? I'm like how do they do that right but I wanna I wanna ask them about relationship stuff Yes this one over here is so spiritual, so connected, like so like I want to understand like how does she do that right Jordan man and then money and life and travel and experiences and communicate like I think you just gotta like you gotta curate all of that yeah or you just get a little too narrow. Yes, yes it's and and but you have to start with one person and then you have to start and then I think you that should crowd out what's going on that's bad Like the same way they say, you know, don't go on a diet, crowd out the bad stuff by eating better. more good stuff right? Same thing with like the people and I have transformed for better, for worse you know, definitely for the better in my opinion.

the the the world of who I call all the time who I reach out to all the time, who I speak to, who's on my and who I admire like even think about it Steve Cohen and I are in the same office, two different floors. We actually share a trainer right now. Yeah, we literally like like trainer trainer like he goes three days a week and he let me have his have him on two days a week and it's like hey, you know what? Okay, you know we're kind of slightly different markets in our own ways because we have different spheres, but at the same time. Clearly you know at the same he's at a higher level.

but you know different kind of different ways. Yes, But but this idea of saying okay, you're in my sphere of broker Network where I feel like I can call you and say what do you think about this, What do you? You know this is what's happening, What do you think Or this deal, or this that or just like, hey, what do you do because you've been doing this longer than me and I love watching what are you doing or you're marketing people. whatever it is just somebody that you can say wow, they've done it. They have a family I respect them, how they do their how they do business, how they deal with people just and then keep keep building that keep building it.

I So important Steve Cohen 150 listing appointments are you owe me 10 grand. Just a little reminder. that's one of the things he's doing right now. Oh God mine's a hundred.

Mine's prepared for the year. Okay, but you know that's bananas right? Like a lot. I mean 100 150 100 square. Okay, you want to hear a crazy number? Yeah Timmy Smith his goal is 500 this year.

he's like, what else do I have to do the market the Market's slow I might as well just go on like five to six listing appointments every single day. Everybody wants to talk to me I Want to talk to everybody? You have a 200 000 house, You have a 25 million dollar house I Don't care I am at my best on listing appointments and that he's outsourced. Oh yes, everything else, else. everything else.

everybody's not doing that. he's with his kids. Yeah, right. Hanging at the Beach House, right? So it's it's just a number.

Yeah, 100 making appointments for me 100 would be bananas would be amazing. Yes, All right, it will be amazing. So really quickly. The three rules.

Number one. number one is what did we say? systems. So whenever one is systems, number two is that you have to own that you can't do it yourself. and number three is that you have to be ready for people to judge you when you're actually doing it.

Yes, Yes, well. I think I think people are going to judge you on this show, but they're going to judge you as an absolute baller. like a total badass. Yeah, and there'll be people who would be like I cringed when she said that thing.

yeah because of the fact that this is crazy and it is super hard and listen the first time you hear it. I used to judge so many people I used to judge them I even used to judge the people on Million Dollar Listing Right? Right? right? Because I was like oh yeah, those guys just stepped in it. super easy for them. must be so easy.

They just get off that you know they just film and it all just comes to them. No big deal. Yeah, Ryan's just good looking. That's why it's easy.

I'm like Ryan works his face off Ryan Whoa. that's amazing. The Altman brothers who were PALS like you know now Josh is like living in Newport like across the like the way from where and I'm like dude, what are you doing here he's like don't tell anybody I live in Orange County you heard here first right? But the point was he's like I want to expand I want to do more like you know, just walk in the island. he and his wife my wife just run each other I'm like I know how hard you work to get there I know how hard I work to get her all of a sitting inside this room right? no judgment.

looking back, it's the dash of our life right? yeah and I want that Dash full of a million memories. You know what I mean some good, some bad because that's just life closing thoughts before we let everybody oh my God Closing thoughts um well I'm trying to get this book published I really want my book deal to happen. So so we're rewriting a little bit of it right now and I think that I just putting it out there to so many women that I was waiting for this validation and if there's something that you say that you would do if you would do if like please just do it please just do it because like I wasted so I didn't waste years because I learned so much from everything I've done. but like if you could just I'll tell you trust me like there is a there.

If you just turned around, there is somebody who will validate you and I promise you that that you don't even need that. Just please go go for it because I wish I did. And now and now here I am it's been awesome right? I Gotta say right? Okay so they want to follow you on Instagram follow me on Instagram Kristen.jordan Kristen.jordan um on Instagram LinkedIn I'm there too and then of course um, Kirstenjordan.com And and you can follow the Chris and Jordan team at the Kirsten Jordan team on Instagram. All right, all that's going to be all over everywhere exactly and you can see my amazing team and what I put together and and how awesome everybody can we get a photo of her on the Apple box I bet.

Applebox Yeah, we got it. Yeah, yeah exactly. Hey, that's what happens. Yes, that's what happens I have to feel you gotta be big to feel big sometimes right? Hey, thank you so much for listening.

Uh send this to like three girlfriends like three girlfriends. one that you know is gonna judge you for sending it. one that is gonna be so grateful and one's gonna say why did you send this to me and then you can ask all have wonderful conversations about it about it. Thank you so much for being on the show.

Thank you for watching as always I Love You Keep up the good work and I'll see on the next show. Take care foreign.